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Band 5.5

The graph below shows the percentage of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries

The graph below shows the percentage of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries
The graph gives information about the figures of 65_year old and above
people
Use synonyms
 over a period of 100 years in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Japan,
Sweden
Use synonyms
 and America. It's clear in
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
1940, the
number
Use synonyms
 of elder
people
Use synonyms
 in all
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
three
Correct article usage
the three
show examples
 countries
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 less than
one tenth
Add a hyphen
one-tenth
show examples
,and the USA with 9% was at the first level
then
Linking Words
Sweden
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 about 7% and Japan had got the youngest population with just 5% elder multitude.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 by the next 10
decades
Add a comma
,decades
show examples
 those states will be changed by replacing America with Japan. In 1940 ,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 in the mentioned countries from different continents were younger than 65 years ,and in the meantime, Japanese, Swedish and Americans with 5%, 7% and 9% figures were shown respectively. lines attributed to two European and American countries had been having
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 increasing trend till
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
1995
which
Correct word choice
when
show examples
Sweden
Use synonyms
 by a dramatic rise overtook those 2 others and reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
20% in 2015.
While
Linking Words
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 point,
this
Linking Words
 chart will experience
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
fluctuations, and in total
vision
Add a comma
,vision
show examples
 the flow of it is growing by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
2040 and keeps
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 state above
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
America
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
 end with a
number
Use synonyms
Change preposition
of about26
show examples
about26
Correct your spelling
about 26
% and 23% for the USA .
According to
Linking Words
 the chart of Japanese, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who were in their 65 or older was decreasing slightly
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
1960 and
then
Linking Words
 around 1986 it started to rise
while
Linking Words
 it was still below the other nations. It's predicted
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
noticeable alternation in
this
Linking Words
 line will happen around 2030 and
Japanese
Correct article usage
the Japanese
show examples
 will be encountered
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a sharp escalation in the
number
Use synonyms
 of elder individuals. So
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
, in
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
2040 it will be higher than the USA and
Sweden
Use synonyms
 with a figure of 27% .

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, sweden, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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