IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. The government should be responsible for providing retirees with financial support and care. While many people think that citizens should save money to take care of themselves when they are old. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

#minutes #government #retirees #support #care #people #citizens #money
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The topic of whether
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should pay for
retirees
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
controversiol
Correct your spelling
controversial
 and causing issues in many countries all around the world. I've come out with several opinions
as well as
Linking Words
 some
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
, with relevant examples to support my statements. Providing
money
Use synonyms
 directly to
retirees
Use synonyms
 is not
a
Change the article
an
show examples
apporpriate
Correct your spelling
appropriate
 option.
Retirees
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 without good
money
Use synonyms
 managing
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
 would waste those funds privided on
unnecesary
Correct your spelling
unnecessary
 items or activities, causing a bigger financial
loop hole
Correct your spelling
loophole
show examples
 which required more financial
aids
Fix the agreement mistake
aid
show examples
 to solve.
This
Linking Words
 issue has been proven in
socialist
Add an article
a socialist
the socialist
show examples
country
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such
Linking Words
 as North Korea, where
government
Use synonyms
 aids promotes laziness to their people and reduce competition
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their society,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
further
Linking Words
reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
show examples
 their
country
Use synonyms
's
productivicty
Correct your spelling
productivity
.
However
Linking Words
, it is somehow selfish to people who think they
should'nt
Correct your spelling
shouldn't
 aid the
retirees
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. A clear example
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
Linking Words
 can be seen in
capitalist
Add an article
a capitalist
the capitalist
show examples
country
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such
Linking Words
 as the United States, where
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
veteran
wasn't receives
Change the verb form
didn't receive
show examples
 enough
supports
Fix the agreement mistake
support
show examples
 from the
government
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,and
forced
Add a missing verb
are forced
show examples
 to live
homeless
Change the adjective
homelessly
show examples
.
Besides
Linking Words
, the plan of saving up
money
Use synonyms
 for
retirement
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 might be
interupted
Correct your spelling
interrupted
 by unexpected events,
such
Linking Words
 as medical payments, children's tuition fees or etc. It is
also
Linking Words
 inhumane to reject people who
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 helps.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
retirees
Use synonyms
 are considered
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 weaker
groups
Fix the agreement mistake
group
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our society as most of them already lost the ability to work and some of them would even need serious medical
attentions
Fix the agreement mistake
attention
show examples
, which could be costly in
long
Correct article usage
the long
show examples
 term. In my opinion,
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government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 are not obliged to financially support the
retirees
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 in our
country
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. In order to overcome
this
Linking Words
 issue,
government
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 actions or
statues
Correct your spelling
statutes
show examples
 should be set up, to make sure the
citizens
Use synonyms
 are able to save up sufficient
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of
money
Use synonyms
 to prepare for their
retirements
Fix the agreement mistake
retirement
show examples
. State actions
such
Linking Words
a
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 deduction
a
Change preposition
of a
show examples
small portion of
citizens
Use synonyms
' income, and
save
Wrong verb form
saving
show examples
 it in a saving account for their
up coming
Correct your spelling
upcoming
show examples
retirement
Use synonyms
.
An
Change the article
A
show examples
 successful example regarding
this
Linking Words
 opinion can be seen in Malaysia, where 10% of
Malaysian's
Correct your spelling
Malaysia's
show examples
 income will be deducted upon
receving
Correct your spelling
receiving
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and deposited in a
state controlled
Add a hyphen
state-controlled
show examples
 saving agency. The
citizens
Use synonyms
 will only allow to use it after their
retirement
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. The
government
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 can
also
Linking Words
 funds
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public hospitals and clinics, to improve the medical quality and services of our local medical centre. In
this
Linking Words
 case, the
retirees
Use synonyms
 would able to enjoy a better quality of medical treatment with the same amount of
money
Use synonyms
 they pay for.
This
Linking Words
 has
also
Linking Words
 been proven in Malaysia, where their
citizens
Use synonyms
 would only need to pay 2 Ringgits Malaysia in order to access full medical
treatements
Correct your spelling
treatments
treatment
 at their local public hospitals and clinics. In conclusion, the
government
Use synonyms
should'nt
Correct your spelling
shouldn't
giving
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 directly to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
retirees
Use synonyms
 as
such
Linking Words
action
Correct article usage
an action
show examples
 could promote laziness.
Such
Linking Words
 action could
also
Linking Words
 increase the financial burden of the
country
Use synonyms
, causing
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 to reduce the budgets from other sources in order to continue their funding towards the
retirees
Use synonyms
, which is unfair to
other group
Change the wording
another group
other groups
show examples
 of
citizens
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the interests of
retirees
Use synonyms
 should be
taking
Wrong verb form
taken
show examples
 care of as they are
also
Linking Words
 part of the
country
Use synonyms
, and they contributed to the
country
Use synonyms
 as well before their
retirement
Use synonyms
. State officials should seek a balance when providing assistance, and overcome issues
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 as proportionate ways as possible.
Submitted by chuachongwing on

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Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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