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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people believe more actions can be taken to prevent crime, while others think that little can be done. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#people #actions #crime
It is considered by some that more interventions have to be done to prevent
crime
,
while
 others consider little may be enough. In my opinion, it is crucial to take more
actions
 to be free from
crime
.
Firstly
, some people might think that both governments and individuals have to make efforts to stop
crime
 by making more ways. The main reason for
this
 is that the types of crimes are getting various
due to
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of technologies.
In other words
, nowadays crimes can
be happened
Change to the active voice
happen
show examples
 not only
real
Change preposition
in real
show examples
 life but
also
 on the internet, including
cyber bullying
Correct your spelling
cyberbullying
show examples
.
Therefore
, more laws and rules are needed not to lead to
further
crime
.
In addition
, It is
also
 necessary to provide ordinary people with proper education about morality.
On the other hand
, others may think that the more important thing is not the quantity of
actions
 but the quality of interventions.
That is
,
instead
 of making new laws and rules, reinforcing current
actions
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 more essential. Owing
to
Correct pronoun usage
thisto
show examples
, they consider that
crime
 might happen
due to
 the present poor systems and weak laws. From what
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 been discussed above, we may conclude that it can be controversial to take more
actions
 to reduce
crime
. Specifically, some might insist that they should put more active interventions to stop
crime
,
while
 others think that current
actions
 can be enough if they are more complimented.
Submitted by wldud3016 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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