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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010
#bar #changes #percentage #people #australia #town
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The bar graph gives information on
comparison
Correct article usage
a comparison
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 of
Australian's
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Australian
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 residences between 1995 and 2010 based on their
birth place
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birthplace
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 (in and outside
Australia
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). In 1995,
people
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 who were born in
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australia
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Australia
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 and outside
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australia
Change the capitalization
Australia
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 were live in
cities
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 with
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Add an article
a percentage
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percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
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 above 50%.
Beside of
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Besides
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 that,
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Percentage
Correct article usage
the Percentage
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 of
people
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 who lived in town is 20 % below and 40 % below for
people
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 who lived in rural areas. For
an
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the
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 entire year of 2010, most of
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people
Add an article
the people
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 in
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australia
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Australia
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 lived in
cities
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 with
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percentage
Add an article
a percentage
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 above 60%.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
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 in
this
Linking Words
 year the number of
people
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 who decided to
lived
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live
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 in
Correct article usage
the rurals
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rurals
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rural
area
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areas
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suprisingly
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surprisingly
 decrease
until
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to
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 10% below and the
percentage
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 of
people
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 who lived in town
also
Linking Words
 decrease above 10 % per
categories
Fix the agreement mistake
category
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. In summary, the
percentage
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 of
people
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 who lived in
cities
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 keep going up over
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the year
a year
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year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
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.
Mostly
Correct your spelling
Most
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 Australian's
people
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 decided to
lived
Change the verb
live
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 in
cities
Use synonyms
 even though they were born in different countries.
Submitted by Nabillaa808 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words australia, people, cities, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographics
  • urbanization
  • migration patterns
  • population distribution
  • percentage points
  • growth rate
  • decline
  • trend analysis
  • socioeconomic factors
  • infrastructure development
  • rural exodus
  • census data
  • lifestyle changes
  • residential patterns
  • immigration policies
  • emigration
  • natural increase
  • birth rate
  • settlement patterns
  • push and pull factors
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