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Writing Samples
Band 7

The charts below show changes in the proportion of the energy produces from different resoruces in a country in 1985 and 2003.

The charts below show changes in the proportion of the energy produces from different resoruces in a country in 1985 and 2003.
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The below-given pie charts show the percentage changes
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
energy
Use synonyms
 that was produced from six different resources in the span of 18 years within a particular country.
While
Linking Words
 glancing at the graphs, it is evident that the majority of the power was produced from oil, in both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
years. As we look at the chart of the year 1985, it is noticeable that the resources that made most of the power were oil and nuclear
powers
Fix the agreement mistake
power
show examples
.
Along with
Linking Words
 these, natural gas produced about 13% of
energy
Use synonyms
 and was followed by coal and hydro which formed 8% and 4% of
energy
Use synonyms
, respectively. Other renewable sources formed only 1% of
energy
Use synonyms
. The graph of 2003 included high
energy
Use synonyms
 production from resources like oil (39%), natural gas (23%) and coal (22%). Following these sources of
energy
Use synonyms
 were nuclear powers, hydro and other renewable sources,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 produced 8%, 4% and 4% of power, respectively.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 2 times.
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