IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Obesity is a serious problem in many countries, especially in rich countries. Discuss ways to solve the problem. Provide specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

As global development accelerates, more and more resources are being harnessed.
Obesity
Use synonyms
 is one of the significant problems the public is concerned about, caused by unhealthy diets and insufficient
exercise
Use synonyms
.
Obesity
Use synonyms
 is caused by a terrible diet in which customers are likely to devour tasty dishes with a high ratio of bad carbs, as they consume excessive calories and nutrients daily. Long-term unhealthy consumption and
overtaking
Verb problem
overeating
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 carbohydrates lead to
Verb problem
being overweighting
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overweighting
Replace the word
overweight
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, which may cause severe health effects.
Likewise
Linking Words
, the deficiency of
exercise
Use synonyms
 is
also
Linking Words
 a primary culprit in the
obesity
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 epidemic, as most juveniles loathe accomplishing sports activities and do not
realize
Change the spelling
realise
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 the adverse ramifications of the scarcity of training. Lack of adequate training, the body fails to burn
fats
Fix the agreement mistake
fat
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 efficiently, so body mass becomes heavier. A healthy eating lifestyle can reduce
obesity
Use synonyms
 and reduce the risk of other health problems. To alleviate people's diets, food corporations can offer delectable and low-calorie snacks or meals in markets. So that civilians can cultivate healthy dietary habits via delicious and
low carbs
Use the right word
low-carb
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 food to reduce the growth of the
obesity
Use synonyms
 epidemic.
Secondly
Linking Words
, regular
exercise
Use synonyms
 can help boost calories out of the body and reduce the risk of
obesity
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, Incentives can raise citizens’ awareness of
obesity
Use synonyms
 through advertisements and education. , Which can stimulate young people's determination to
exercise
Use synonyms
 and facilitate them to
exercise
Use synonyms
 regularly. To mitigate the rise of
obesity
Use synonyms
, people can
erect
Verb problem
adopt
show examples
 a healthy diet.
Also
Linking Words
, the institution can motivate the young
work
Verb problem
to work
show examples
 out more through promotion and school.

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Task plan
Make a clear plan. Start with a short intro, then 3 clear ideas with a simple example, and finish with a clear end.
Coherence
Put one idea in each paragraph and use simple linking words like and, also, but to move ideas.
Style
Use short, easy words and short sentences to keep the meaning clear.
Content
The essay talks about diet and exercise, which is a good topic.
Structure
There are some link between causes and steps to fix the issue.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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