IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Shops should not be allowed to sell any food or drinks that have been scientifically proven to be bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#shops #food #drinks #people’s #health
In recent years, some individuals believe that outlets selling unhealthy
food
 or beverages should be banned because scientists have proved that these eatables can have detrimental effects on
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 person's
health
. In my opinion, I completely agree with
this
 statement for 2 main reasons. On the one hand, there is no doubt that junk
food
 which has less nutrition and more harmful content can have severe impacts on the body if consumed for a long duration. There are many reasons for damaged
peoples'
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 general
health
. For one thing, decrease the amount of less
nutrition
Replace the word
nutritious
show examples
food
. For another thing, humans will face fewer medical problems.The most familiar example of
this
 is diabetes and obesity are growing
popularity
Change preposition
in popularity
show examples
, especially socially - advanced models
such
 as the US or UK.
Thus
, Problems
such
 as high blood pressure and heart problems can be reduced by avoiding harmful meals.
On the other hand
, being well-informed about
health-consciousness
Correct your spelling
health consciousness
show examples
 is going to reach a high level if the government does not allow shops to sell junk
food
. The solution to
this
 problem involves many factors producers and clients will feel the amount of harm
this
 meat may cause.
Consequently
, people become more aware of the quality of goods in different fields.
For instance
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people in Japan are concerned about what to consume
due to
 the early simple
food
 instructions in Japanese schools. It seems quite clear that folks can be healthier if they are able to control their meals. It is necessary that effective measures should be taken to stop providing meals and drinks that impact peoples'
health
 badly, in spite of the taste, it is very significant for shops
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
.
This
 will keep peoples'
health
 in good condition in the first place.
Secondly
, public awareness is built among people by widely
disseminated
Wrong verb form
disseminating
show examples
 information to help them improve their
health
.
Submitted by sinh.ielts on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Regulations
  • accountability
  • retailers
  • public health
  • consumer choice
  • diet
  • banning
  • health education
  • awareness campaigns
  • economic impact
  • job losses
  • small businesses
  • complexity
  • beneficial
  • harmful
  • quantity consumed
  • individual health conditions
What to do next:
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