People are responsible for their happiness. Others feel happiness depends on other factors in their life. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

People
are seen
divided
Correct word choice
as divided
show examples
regarding the core
factors
which make a
person
happy.
While
some believe individual decisions are crucial, others believe external
factors
decide one’s
happiness
. As it is hard to define
this
feeling, it is difficult to reach a logical conclusion. The reason why the first group of
people
believes so is because of the general concept that
happiness
can be created with a positive attitude towards life and
hard-work
Correct your spelling
hard work
show examples
. They believe only
such
a
person
can be happy even if he has some
sorts
Fix the agreement mistake
sort
show examples
of personal or financial difficulties. In order to embrace the feeling of contentment,
such
people
strive hard in their life, and
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the end, they would prove themselves in a safe position.
On the other hand
, an irresponsible
person
in life would end up in despair.
For example
, a
person
who does not care about his health would face difficulties, both in the personal and financial aspects.
However
, others believe that
happiness
is a subjective feeling which can be evoked by both tangible and intangible
factors
, which
surrounds
Correct subject-verb agreement
surround
show examples
a
person
.
While
some become happy with more money and wealth, others get
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
contented with material things like gold and other fashionable gadgets. Very often one can see that drugs and other substances like alcohol make
people
happy. Intangible
factors
like the companionship of an individual or a group of individuals
such
as a bunch of friends
also
make some happy. Some other external
factors
which can trigger
happiness
are power and celebrity status. After analysing both views in detail, it is difficult to derive
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a rational conclusion
whether
Change preposition
about whether
show examples
happiness
is the creation of an individual or it is the ‘end product’ of some tangible and intangible external
factors
.
Submitted by undhadsmit5 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Self-reliance
  • Positive psychology
  • Socioeconomic status
  • Well-being
  • Mindset
  • Personal choices
  • Environmental factors
  • Interpersonal relationships
  • Emotional resilience
  • Quality of life
  • Subjective well-being
  • External circumstances
What to do next:
Look at other essays: