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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Whether or not a person achieves their aims in life is mostly related to luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Achieving
Use synonyms
goals
Correct article usage
the goals
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 of humans depends on
luck
Use synonyms
 mostly. In some situations I agree with
this
Linking Words
 view,
on the other
Linking Words
hand
Add the comma(s)
,hand
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 that achieving aims requires some
skills
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 have to improve their
skills
Use synonyms
during
Change preposition
in
show examples
 life,
Linking Words
moreover
Add a comma
,moreover
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 they have to always try to be successful. Sometimes the success of
person
Add an article
a person
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 depends on their
luck
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
 should not make
effort
Correct article usage
an effort
show examples
 for achieving something.
Universe
Add an article
The universe
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 just gives them what they want.
Although
Linking Words
 it is like
lottery
Add an article
the lottery
a lottery
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, today they can be lucky,
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
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 tomorrow they can not be. One of my
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
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 very lucky person. Because he always wins some gifts on
instagram
Change the capitalization
Instagram
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. He just shares with posts in his stories and
at the end
Linking Words
 he wins some perks like gadgets. Despite winning he could not control
this
Linking Words
 lottery and sometimes he can just take part in lotteries from sponsors.
For instance
Linking Words
, nobody can
not
Rewrite the sentence
apply
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control their
luck
Use synonyms
, but some
people
Use synonyms
 can be lucky more than others. Mainly
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
achieving
goals
Use synonyms
links
Replace the word
linked
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 with
education
Use synonyms
 and some
skills
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
 everyone has to improve their soft and hard
skills
Use synonyms
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
and also
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 try to take quality
education
Use synonyms
 in the best universities of over the world. It will certainly lead to aims. Some
people
Use synonyms
 should take courses to take new knowledge to be more successful in life. In every area
goals
Use synonyms
 require improving
skills
Use synonyms
, good health,
time
Correct word choice
and time
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 management. Some
people
Use synonyms
 can achieve their
goals
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
however
Correct word choice
but
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 can sacrifice health.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
this
Linking Words
occasion
Add a comma
,occasion
show examples
 everyone has to control their ways and keep balance. In conclusion, achieving
goals
Use synonyms
 in life
related
Add a missing verb
is related
show examples
 to
luck
Use synonyms
. In some
cases
Add a comma
,cases
show examples
 I agree with
this
Linking Words
 position,
although
Linking Words
 aims require some
skills
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
 from
people
Use synonyms
.

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • luck
  • determination
  • hard work
  • perseverance
  • skills
  • continuous learning
  • achievements
  • opportunities
  • networking
  • personal accountability
  • diverse backgrounds
  • access to resources
  • causality
  • creative industries
  • structured fields
  • linear
  • predicated on merit
What to do next:
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