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Band 5.5

Whether or not a person achieves their aims in life is mostly related to luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#person #life #luck
Achieving
goals
Correct article usage
the goals
show examples
 of humans depends on
luck
 mostly. In some situations I agree with
this
 view,
on the other
hand
Add the comma(s)
,hand
show examples
 that achieving aims requires some
skills
 and
education
.
Therefore
people
 have to improve their
skills
during
Change preposition
in
show examples
 life,
moreover
Add a comma
,moreover
show examples
 they have to always try to be successful. Sometimes the success of
person
Add an article
a person
show examples
 depends on their
luck
.
People
 should not make
effort
Correct article usage
an effort
show examples
 for achieving something.
Universe
Add an article
The universe
show examples
 just gives them what they want.
Although
 it is like
lottery
Add an article
the lottery
a lottery
show examples
, today they can be lucky,
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
 tomorrow they can not be. One of my
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
 very lucky person. Because he always wins some gifts on
instagram
Change the capitalization
Instagram
show examples
. He just shares with posts in his stories and
at the end
 he wins some perks like gadgets. Despite winning he could not control
this
 lottery and sometimes he can just take part in lotteries from sponsors.
For instance
, nobody can
not
Rewrite the sentence
apply
show examples
control their
luck
, but some
people
 can be lucky more than others. Mainly
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
achieving
goals
links
Replace the word
linked
show examples
 with
education
 and some
skills
.
Therefore
 everyone has to improve their soft and hard
skills
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
 try to take quality
education
 in the best universities of over the world. It will certainly lead to aims. Some
people
 should take courses to take new knowledge to be more successful in life. In every area
goals
 require improving
skills
, good health,
time
Correct word choice
and time
show examples
 management. Some
people
 can achieve their
goals
,
however
Correct word choice
but
show examples
 can sacrifice health.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
this
occasion
Add a comma
,occasion
show examples
 everyone has to control their ways and keep balance. In conclusion, achieving
goals
 in life
related
Add a missing verb
is related
show examples
 to
luck
. In some
cases
Add a comma
,cases
show examples
 I agree with
this
 position,
although
 aims require some
skills
 and
education
 from
people
.
Submitted by nusupov.elaman on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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