IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some feel governments, rather than private companies, should be in charge of medical services. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#feel #governments #companies #charge #services
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It is quite debatable if
the
Correct article usage
apply
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health care
services
Use synonyms
 should be made solely public or private. A number of
people
Use synonyms
 support the idea of making it government authorized,
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however
Add a comma
,however
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 others oppose
this
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 notion. I too opine with
this
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 stance that the healthcare system should be controlled by public authorities and the below essay will elaborate my viewpoint and
thus
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 will lead to a logical conclusion.
Firstly
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, the main reason stems from the fact that making
the
Correct article usage
apply
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medical organizations public, will clearly make
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 affordable to
lower class
Add a hyphen
lower-class
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people
Use synonyms
whereas
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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private hospitals usually charge a lot of money for providing
services
Use synonyms
,
thus
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 making it impossible for poor or
lower class
Add a hyphen
lower-class
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people
Use synonyms
 to afford it.
For instance
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, online data shows that 20% of patients are dying every year
due to
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 the unaffordability of
services
Use synonyms
 in private medical firms.
Secondly
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, there will be a reduction in criminal activities with respect to healthcare
services
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such
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 as corruption or smuggling of organs.
For example
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, It has been seen as a trend in private organizations, a number of doctors malpractice their authorization by forcing some patients to undergo expensive surgeries, which might not be required, for mere profits only.
On the other hand
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, Government funded hospitals do not run for profits, and
instead
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, truly look for the welfare of
people
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. To recapitulate,
by
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apply
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making the hospitals public-funded; will be beneficial for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society in terms of affordability and reduction in criminal activities. In my opinion,
government
Add an article
the government
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 should take responsibility for healthcare systems and make it subsidized for the community.
Submitted by ssansar623 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental human right
  • equitable access
  • government-run healthcare
  • economies of scale
  • negotiate
  • healthcare costs
  • profit motives
  • compromised healthcare
  • health inequities
  • accountable
  • public health objectives
  • reinvest
  • infrastructure
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