IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. how might having a lot of money make people happy? what other things in life can make people happy?

#people #life #money
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plenty of individuals hold the idea that possessing a great amount of
money
Use synonyms
 is the major reason to be happy. I personally opine that having
money
Use synonyms
 usually brings self-confidence and
power
Use synonyms
 which are the most important reasons that bring happiness to
people
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, having a
supporting
Replace the word
supportive
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 family and a healthy body have undeniable effects on
people
Use synonyms
's good
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
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. Being rich provides you
the
Add the preposition
with the
show examples
 opportunity to purchase almost everything you want that most
people
Use synonyms
 often can't afford and it brings
conscious
Add an article
a conscious
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 or unconscious sense of
power
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. Wealthy
people
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 can wear more fashionable,
costy
Correct your spelling
costly
cosy
 clothes and accessories
such
Linking Words
 as watches and sunglasses or are able to drive luxurious cars and reside in
million dollar
Add a hyphen
million-dollar
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 houses.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they feel they can gain whatever they desire
and
Correct word choice
which
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 creates
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 sense of confidence.Having the
power
Use synonyms
 to achieve what you want creates satisfaction and joy,
say
Correct subject-verb agreement
says
show examples
Dr.
Change the punctuation
Dr
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 Hawking the professor of psychology and hypnoses based on the results of his recent research.
Although
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the importance of wealth is
undenyable
Correct your spelling
undeniable
, there are fundamental factors that can always bring cheer like a supportive family and being mentally and physically healthy when encountering an issue, you will need a confidant, reliable person who can consult you and come up with a solution and who can be a better option
that
Correct your spelling
than
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 a family member who has been through ups and downs with you?
Moreover
Linking Words
, suffering from incurable illnesses
such
Linking Words
 as some types of
cancers
Fix the agreement mistake
cancer
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 or HIV will keep you far away from enjoying your dear
money
Use synonyms
 when you are in pain. In conclusion, many are of the opinion that
money
Use synonyms
 equals happiness.
Although
Linking Words
, it can build self-confidence and
Power
Use synonyms
, having a trustable folk and
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 body are the other ways to have the same feeling.
Submitted by mahsa_hasanikousha on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial security
  • Basic needs
  • Comfort
  • Luxury
  • Freedom
  • Altruistic
  • Philanthropy
  • Nurturing relationships
  • Fulfillment
  • Sense of accomplishment
  • Physical well-being
  • Spiritual beliefs
  • Community involvement
  • Gratitude
  • Mindfulness
  • Simple pleasures
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