Ownership of mobile phones has risen dramatically in recent years despite the potentially harmful effects they may have on health and the society. Governments should introduce measures to restrict ownership of mobile phones to those who need them for work. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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There is a wide range of

people

Use synonyms

who

holds

Correct subject-verb agreement

hold

show examples

the view that mobile

phones

Use synonyms

have had potential damage effects on their owner's health and our society.

Therefore

Linking Words

they argue that governments should set up treatment to ensure owners use their mobile

phones

Use synonyms

for work

instead

Linking Words

of other purposes. I strongly support the first group, and

this

Linking Words

essay will explain several reasons behind my agreement. First of all,

people

Use synonyms

are addicted to their

phones

Use synonyms

, and they immerse themselves in the virtual world

instead

Linking Words

of taking care of their customers or family members.

Moreover

Linking Words

, more and more

people

Use synonyms

stare at their phone screens all the time, and they're abject pay attention to improve their quality of life and take concern for

people

Use synonyms

around them.

Hence

Linking Words

, smartphones significantly reduce

people

Use synonyms

’s social skills and decrease

people

Use synonyms

's energy and passion.

on the other hand

Linking Words

, the smartphone is

making

Verb problem

having

show examples

a bad effect on public health and security. Some

people

Use synonyms

are not aware that others

such

Linking Words

as hackers can hear their conversations on their

phones

Use synonyms

and steal their bank accounts, and they can publish false advertisements on it to fraud other humankind.

Also

Linking Words

, mobile phone waves could cause damage to our brains and decrease our concentration

while

Linking Words

we are driving. Plus, kinds of electronic products

influenced

Wrong verb form

influence

show examples

young children's minds by some wrong knowledge spread on the Internet, letting them lose their self-discipline.

To conclude

Linking Words

, I strongly believe that it

will

Wrong verb form

would

show examples

be better if the government encouraged residents to reduce the time of using their

phones

Use synonyms

except at the need in work.

caelumz1121Fri Jun 30 2023

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coherence cohesion

Improve the clarity and coherence of your ideas.

task achievement

Provide more examples and specific details to support your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

254 words

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