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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

money only on medical care and education but not on theatres or sports stadiums. Do you agree or disagree?

#money #care #education #theatres #sports #stadiums
Its
Correct pronoun usage
It
show examples
 is
some time
Replace the word
sometimes
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 argued that the
gorvernment
Correct your spelling
government
 should not put money
on
Change preposition
into
show examples
 building
theatres
 and sports stadiums and it is true that some countries should use most of the national budget on developing
education
 and health
care
systerm
Correct your spelling
system
systems
.
While
 I think I accept that
this
 may suit many
government
Change to a plural noun
governments
show examples
.
However
 ,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that spending money on
theatres
 or sport
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 is the simple way for a country indicates
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 culture. Without a shadow of
doubt
Add an article
a doubt
show examples
 , investing the cost in medical
care
 and schooling systems brings favourable impacts on the benefits of citizens .Because they are the backbone industries of any nation all over the world , the government provides financial support to make
education
 accessible to everyone and enjoy services from top-notch hospitals .
Moreover
. that creates a high-quality and
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
 labour workforce for the
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
 development .
For instance
 , Germany provides
Correct article usage
a systerm
show examples
systerm
Correct your spelling
system
 in the form of social insurance and it becomes one of the most developing countries in the world.
Hence
, there
two
Add a missing verb
are two
show examples
 factors
should
Correct pronoun usage
that should
show examples
be invest
Change the verb form
be investing
be invested
show examples
 in by the government .
While
 the essence of
investing
Replace the word
investment
show examples
 finance in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hearth
Correct your spelling
health
show examples
care
 and schooling
systerms
Correct your spelling
systems
 is widely acknowledged ,it is unfair if the governors ignore funding for the entertainment industry . Apparently , funding for the
theatres
 and sports stadiums brings favourable influences on residents and helps that country attract other tourists. By doing so , it makes the
nation
Change noun form
nation's
show examples
 economy more advanced effectively .
For example
 , Korea , which organises
myrlads
Correct your spelling
myriads
myriad
 of concerts by well-known groups
such
 as BTS or Black Pink ,
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 appealing to millions of people from every corner of the world .
Thus
, investing the national budget in the
armuse
Correct your spelling
arms
 industry is of paramount importance. In conclusion, for the reasons I have mentioned above, I strongly believe that the state should financially support not only in terms of medical and
education
systerms
Correct your spelling
systems
 but
also
 with regard to the entertainment industry.money only on medical
care
 and
education
 but not on
theatres
 or sports stadiums. Do you agree or disagree?
Submitted by blhoangvanhoan on

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