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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The table and charts below give information on the police budget for 2017 and 2018 in one area of Britain. The table shows where the money came from and the charts show how it was distributed.

The table and charts below give information on the police budget for 2017 and 2018 in one area of Britain. The table shows where the money came from and the charts show how it was distributed.
#information #police #budget #area #britain #money #show
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The table graph illustrates the document about the police
budget
Use synonyms
 between 2017 and 2018.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the pie chart indicates how the money was spent out by
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the national government was peak point but other sources
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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hit a low
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 both years. All of the police
budget
Use synonyms
 was upward trend which
lead
Wrong verb form
led
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 to
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 total
budget
Use synonyms
 since 2017.
However
Linking Words
, salaries were paid the most but
decreasing used
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
while
Linking Words
technology
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
was
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 rising.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the national government and other sources
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increased by 2.3 and 0.5
million
Use synonyms
pounds
Use synonyms
 respectively in 2018. The local taxes
also
Linking Words
risen
Wrong verb form
rose
show examples
 in money with 11.1
million
Use synonyms
pounds
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
1 year
Add a hyphen
1-year
show examples
 process.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
 price
budget
Use synonyms
 has become 318.6
million
Use synonyms
pounds
Use synonyms
 which
increasing
Wrong verb form
will increase by
show examples
 13.9
million
Use synonyms
pounds
Use synonyms
 from 2017. Moving to the pie chart of how the money was paid, the salaries reached a peak at 75% in 2017 and more than
2018
Change preposition
in 2018
show examples
 by 6%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
technology
Use synonyms
 was the lowest percent at 8% which is less than the
technology
Use synonyms
 in 2018 almost by 2 times.
Lastly
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
buildings and transport were the same
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 at 17% in both
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and more than
technology
Use synonyms
 in 2018 by 3%.
Submitted by phirayapimp on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words budget, technology, million, pounds with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • budget allocation
  • funding sources
  • government policies
  • economic conditions
  • community services
  • crime prevention
  • public safety
  • significant increase/decrease
  • distribution
  • assessment
  • reflection
  • allocation shifts
  • budget comparison
  • impact analysis
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