IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the cause? Do you think it is a positive or a negative development?

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In our modern world, spending a lot of time on mobile
phones
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 each day is been common in childhood as it is easier to access the facility devices. In my opinion, the use of technology equipment could have an impact on
children
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’s minds.
This
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 essay will explain the negative way of overusing
smartphones
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 in
children
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. First of all, the primary cause of mobile
phones
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 being used by young
children
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 is parents not having time to take care of their
children
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.
For example
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, more and more parents get to work early, and
then
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 they need to work hard all day. Which means
children
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 will not have adults to supervise them.
Consequently
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, young
children
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 might tend to be addicted the electric devices.
Secondly
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, the entertainment applications in
smartphones
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 as fighting enemies and cooking meal games are built
for
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to
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attractive
Replace the word
attract
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several
children
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.
For instance
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, my little brother usually prefers to spend
time-fighting
Correct your spelling
time fighting
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 the game as ROV on mobile
phones
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 rather than playing with toys. Using telephones might impact
on
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apply
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childhood period as a lack of social skills and health diseases. To illustrate, the aged of various young
children
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 are faced
to
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with
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the
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apply
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obesity because they do not have physical activities with other friends and just play with their mobile
phones
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 on their beds.
Moreover
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, they
also
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 misunderstand social skills as they do not learn how to interact with other
children
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 and the oldest people in the real world.
Also
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, it affects the learning process, especially in
the
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apply
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primary school
children
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 because they should try hard and concentrate on their practices, but
smartphones
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 do not permit them to concentrate. In conclusion, It can be said that
smartphones
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 will help to find interesting information, but it has many impacts on
children
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.
Therefore
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, parents should have limitations on their
children
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’s usage and be careful about accessing the internet by
children
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as
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apply
show examples
playing violent games.

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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