IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views.

#people #university #college #route #career #job #school
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
What students are going to follow after high school will decide their future career, so making a good decision is very important. Many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that getting a university or college degree is the best option after finishing school,
meanwhile
Add a comma
,meanwhile
show examples
 others think that starting with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
practical work is more beneficial. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 both opinions will be discussed. Nowadays most well-paid and convenient jobs are only available for
Add an article
a high
the high
show examples
high
Replace the word
highly
show examples
 educated candidate,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 explains why a large group of the community believe that studying at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university is mandatory to achieve success.
For instance
Linking Words
, a student who will graduate as a dentist, a physician or an engineer will get his dream job so easily,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 will lead to a high life quality and better mental and physical health.
Thus
Linking Words
, the importance of having a diploma in order to have a good career is a common belief among
people
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, other
people
Use synonyms
 are convinced that working straight after school is the best option. That can be explained by the fact that young
people
Use synonyms
 get the chance to gain a lot of experience with a real job rather than following the theoretical
traject
Replace the word
trajectory
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, a person can never be independent, unless he or she has a stable income, which is mostly not possible to have as a student. Earning money
also
Linking Words
 affords a comfortable life. It is statically shown that in the Netherlands, 50% of
people
Use synonyms
 who chose to work have their own cars,
in contrast
Linking Words
 only 7% of students own vehicles. In sum, both working and studying have their own advantages,
whereas
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 will always look at life from different perspectives.
Submitted by shahryar.kazerooni on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Academic qualifications
  • Specialized skills
  • In-depth knowledge
  • Personal growth
  • Social development
  • Practical experience
  • Financial independence
  • Career progression
  • Professional networking
  • Education
  • Work experience
  • Successful career
  • Personal interests
  • Career goals
  • Decision-making process
What to do next:
Look at other essays: