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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children’s who are taught to co operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both the views and give your opinion

#people #sense #competition #children #children’s #co #adults
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There are opinions that a sense of
competition
Use synonyms
 in young people should be encouraged.
However
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, other parts of society hold the view that youngsters who are taught to cooperate are better and become more valuable. The objective of
this
Linking Words
 essay is to discuss both sides and I believe that healthy
competition
Use synonyms
 is beneficial in adulthood.
To begin
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 with, some individuals believe that
competition
Use synonyms
 will make children more motivated and help them achieve goals in real life through skill development. Many schools
thought
Verb problem
teach
show examples
 children to be competitive to achieve their
aim
Fix the agreement mistake
aims
show examples
 and during the process improve
Use synonyms
skills
Correct pronoun usage
their skills
show examples
 because it will help in their future adult
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
For example
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, teenagers during competitive tasks are willing to do their best to prove to themselves that they can gain more. At ,maturity children can use these
skills
Use synonyms
 in their careers.
Nevertheless
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, others take the view that cooperation is better than
competition
Use synonyms
. There are two main reasons for
this
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 opinion.
First,
Linking Words
teens develop communication
skills
Use synonyms
 which can be useful during hard tasks. Sometimes it is more produces fruit than working single. Cooperating with each other can provide social development and a better understanding of other people which is built on a child's body empathy.
Secondly
Linking Words
, cooperation is valuable during adulthood by encouraging a positive attitude with subordinates or superiors. In conclusion,
competition
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 has positive sides to achieving some goals during school and adult life.
Although
Linking Words
, others think that cooperation is better because it improves negotiation
skills
Use synonyms
.
Also
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, In my point of view, nowadays
competition
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 is key to success and has a crucial role in our lives to attain our
dream
Fix the agreement mistake
dreams
show examples
.
Submitted by shansharova.assel on

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task response
Work on clarifying your main points and providing more relevant examples to support your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the structure of your essay by using clear connecting words and phrases to improve flow and coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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