IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

The chart below shows world energy consumption from 1965 to 2013.

The chart below shows world energy consumption from 1965 to 2013.
#world #energy #consumption
The line graph illustrates how the consumption of
oil
, coal, natural
gas
, hydro and other renewable
energy
 in the world changed between 1965 and 2013. Units are measured in Billion Metric Tons of
Oil
 Equivalent.
Overall
, the most striking feature is that the consumption of every
energy
 resource increased,
however
,
whereas
oil
, remaining the most common commodity, coal and natural
gas
 rose more significantly, than hydro and other renewable
energy
, which had stood at roughly 0 until 1999.
Oil
, coal and natural
gas
 represent the three main
energy
 resources, standing at 1.5, just under 1.5 and just over 0.5
BMTOE
 in 1965, respectively. All these commodities had a similar pattern of a surge, with
oil
 hitting a peak at roughly 4.2
BMTOE
, coal reaching around 3.8
BMTOE
 and natural
gas
 ending at approximately 3.1
BMTOE
 in 2013.
However
,
while
 natural
gas
 increased steeply and consistently,
oil
 dropped in 1975 and 1983 and coal remained stable between 1985 and 1999 at the level of around 2.3
BMTOE
. Hydroenergy and renewables were consumed the least.
However
,
while
 hydro
energy
 stood at roughly 0 in 1965, it
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
soared consistently to just under 1.0
BMTOE
 by 2013,
whereas
 renewables began to rise only in 1999, ending at approximately 0.4
BMTOE
 in 2013.
Submitted by vlad.chibisov on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, whereas, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words oil, gas, energy, bmtoe with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "just under" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: