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Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart below shows world energy consumption from 1965 to 2013.

The chart below shows world energy consumption from 1965 to 2013.
The line graph illustrates how the consumption of
oil
Use synonyms
, coal, natural
gas
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, hydro and other renewable
energy
Use synonyms
 in the world changed between 1965 and 2013. Units are measured in Billion Metric Tons of
Oil
Use synonyms
 Equivalent.
Overall
Linking Words
, the most striking feature is that the consumption of every
energy
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 resource increased,
however
Linking Words
,
whereas
Linking Words
oil
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, remaining the most common commodity, coal and natural
gas
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 rose more significantly, than hydro and other renewable
energy
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, which had stood at roughly 0 until 1999.
Oil
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, coal and natural
gas
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 represent the three main
energy
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 resources, standing at 1.5, just under 1.5 and just over 0.5
BMTOE
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 in 1965, respectively. All these commodities had a similar pattern of a surge, with
oil
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 hitting a peak at roughly 4.2
BMTOE
Use synonyms
, coal reaching around 3.8
BMTOE
Use synonyms
 and natural
gas
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 ending at approximately 3.1
BMTOE
Use synonyms
 in 2013.
However
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 natural
gas
Use synonyms
 increased steeply and consistently,
oil
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 dropped in 1975 and 1983 and coal remained stable between 1985 and 1999 at the level of around 2.3
BMTOE
Use synonyms
. Hydroenergy and renewables were consumed the least.
However
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 hydro
energy
Use synonyms
 stood at roughly 0 in 1965, it
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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soared consistently to just under 1.0
BMTOE
Use synonyms
 by 2013,
whereas
Linking Words
 renewables began to rise only in 1999, ending at approximately 0.4
BMTOE
Use synonyms
 in 2013.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, whereas, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words oil, gas, energy, bmtoe with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just under" was used 2 times.
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