IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The graph shows data about the annual earnings of three bakeries in Calgary, 2000-2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph shows data about the annual earnings of three bakeries in Calgary, 2000-2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#data #earnings #three #bakeries #calgary #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The line graph shows information about how much profit they get
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 three bakeries in Calgary,
Amandine
bakery
Capitalize word
Bakery
show examples
,
Mari
baker
shop
, and
Bolo
cakery
Capitalize word
Cakery
show examples
 between 2000 and 2010.
Overall
, at the first of the
period
, the
Mari
baker
shop
,
Amandine
bakery
, and
Bolo
cakery
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
remained the same.
However
, the
Mari
baker
shop
 increased and
then
 dropped
at the
end
 of the
period
. The
Amandine
bakery
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
remained the same over the
years
 and
at the
end
 of the
period
 it went up. The
bolo
cakery
, at the start of the
period
 it has
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fluctuated and
then
 remained the same, after that it
increase
 gradually
at the
end
 of the
period
. Regarding the
Mari
baker
shop
 yearly
incom
Correct your spelling
income
, in 2000, it stood at 80000$. After two
years
, it
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
 to nearly 85000$.
In
Change preposition
From
show examples
 2003 until 2004, it rose gradually to 87000$. There was a dropped
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the profit in 2005, and it fluctuated over two
years
 until 2008.
At the
end
 of the
period
 it stood at 40000$ in 2010. In terms of the
incom
Correct your spelling
income
 of the
Bolo
cakery
, at the first of the
period
, it stood at 20000$, after
that
Add a comma
,that
show examples
 it
increase
 slowly in 2001.
In
Change preposition
From
show examples
 2002 until 2003, it went up to 40000$, over four
years
 it remained the same until 2007. In 2008 It went up to 60000$. After
that
Add a comma
,that
show examples
 it rose slowly in 2010. With regard to
Amandine
bakery
, at the start of the
period
 it stood at 48000$ in 2000, it stayed the same over five
years
. In 2006, there was a sharp
increase
 until 2010, it stood at nearly 110000$.
Submitted by Sm9312934 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words amandine, bakery, mari, baker, shop, bolo, cakery, period, end, years, increase with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "went up" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slowly" was used 2 times.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: