IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace (e. g. at home, when travelling, etc.). Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages?

#information #technology #people #work #workplace #e #g #home #mobility
Technology
 nowadays
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 our
life's
Change noun form
life
show examples
easer
Correct your spelling
easier
show examples
,
such
 as, we can search for any
apps
Fix the agreement mistake
app
show examples
that's
Unnecessary verb
that
show examples
 includes the
technology
 so we have the
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
 quickly without
get
Change the verb form
getting
show examples
 tired of searching
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
 different sources like books, newspapers, and magazines.
People
Add the comma(s)
,People
show examples
 now
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
depend
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
 for their life because everything they use
is
Change the verb form
also depends
show examples
also
 depends on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
. Individuals who do their
work
 outside their
workplace
Replace the word
work
show examples
 can make them more focused and
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 both advantages and disadvantages associated with the topic, the positive aspects take precedence over the drawbacks.
People
Change preposition
For people
show examples
 who
having
Change the form of the verb
have
show examples
 a
job
, its better to do their
work
 outside of their
workplace
, if they stay in
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 same
workplace
 they will feel
boring
Replace the word
bored
show examples
 and
this
 will let them stop doing their
work
.
Also
, they will
feeling
Change the verb form
feel
be feeling
show examples
 enjoy
to do
Change the verb form
doing
show examples
 their
work
it
Correct your spelling
if
show examples
 they stay
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their home or cafe,
this
 gave them
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
positive energy to achieve their goals and get a high promotion in their
job
. That
how
Add a missing verb
is how
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information
technology
 can help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
workers to do their
job
 well and
perfect
Change the word
perfectly
show examples
.
However
, there are some disadvantages when it comes to
do
Change the verb form
doing
show examples
 their
work
 outside their
workplace
, some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people can't focus when they do some of their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 outside their
workplace
,
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
 don't feel comfortable so they prefer to stay in their
workplace
 so they can focus more on their
work
. In conclusion, the advantages
are outweigh
Change the verb form
outweigh
show examples
 the disadvantages, because when you change your
workplace
 you can
focuse
Correct your spelling
focus
 more and don't feel
boring
Replace the word
bored
show examples
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
 your
job
, information
technology
 let our
work
 and life more
success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
 and let us
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
get to achieve our goals
easer
Correct your spelling
easier
show examples
.
Submitted by Sm9312934 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: