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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph shows the average number of weekly patients visiting four clinics of a hospital from 2010 to 2016.

The line graph shows the average number of weekly patients visiting four clinics of a hospital from 2010 to 2016.
#line #patients #four #clinics
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The line chart illustrates the median
number
Use synonyms
 of weekly
patients
Use synonyms
 who visited different four
Use synonyms
clinic
Change to a plural noun
clinics
show examples
 namely,
birth
Use synonyms
control
Use synonyms
,
eye
Use synonyms
,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
diabetic and dental of one specific
hosptial
Correct your spelling
hospital
 over 6 years.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear the
birth
Use synonyms
control
Use synonyms
 and
eye
Use synonyms
clinic
Use synonyms
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
highest
Change the article
the highest
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of
patients
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the diabetic and dental
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 the lowest.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
eye
Use synonyms
 ,diabetic, and dental showed
upward
Add an article
an upward
show examples
 trend,
whereas
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
birth
Use synonyms
control
Use synonyms
 showed
Correct article usage
a fluctuated
show examples
fluctuated
Replace the word
fluctuation
show examples
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, some clinics reach ,peak, lowest, unchanged at
certain
Add an article
a certain
show examples
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
. Regarding
birth
Use synonyms
control
Use synonyms
 and
eye
Use synonyms
, from 2010 to
middle
Correct article usage
the middle
show examples
 of 2012
birth
Use synonyms
control
Use synonyms
clinic
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
received the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of
patients
Use synonyms
 and in 2012
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
apex
Correct pronoun usage
its apex
show examples
 at almost 280
patients
Use synonyms
, and in center of 2012
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both
birth
Use synonyms
control
Use synonyms
 and
eye
Use synonyms
 clinicis had the same
number
Use synonyms
 of
patients
Use synonyms
 approximately 215
patients
Use synonyms
 and the
birth
Use synonyms
control
Use synonyms
 reached the lowest point in 2014 was 180
patients
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
from 2010 to the end of
given
Add an article
the given
show examples
 period the
eye
Use synonyms
clinic
Use synonyms
 showed
dramatically increased
Replace the word
a dramatic increase
show examples
Change preposition
of
show examples
about 130 to 350
patients
Use synonyms
 and from 2014 to 2016
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the received the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of
patients
Use synonyms
 compared to other clinics. In terms of
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 clinics, dental reached the lowest point in 2012 around 53
patients
Use synonyms
 and
then
Linking Words
 showed
raised
Replace the word
a rise
show examples
. In comparison, the diabetic
clinic
Use synonyms
 went up from 2010 to 2012 , and
then
Linking Words
 from 2012 to 2014
stil
Correct your spelling
still
 unaltered at
Use synonyms
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of around 90
patients
Use synonyms
, and after that showed
upward
Add an article
an upward
show examples
 trend.
Submitted by faiz3177 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, patients, clinic, birth, control, eye with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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