IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many believe that living in a city offers greater benefits compared to life in the countryside. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (Write 250 words.)

It is argued that living in urban areas is more beneficial than living in remote areas.
This
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 essay will agree with that statement because of the better quality of education, and more job opportunities. Most
well-know
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well-known
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 colleges and universities are usually located in the
city
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. Because of
this
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,
people
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 who live in the
city
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 can choose to study in these institutions more easily,
while
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 there are very limited choices for others who live in the countryside.
For example
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,
top
Correct article usage
the top
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 five most famous schools and universities in Thailand are all in Bangkok. If someone
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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lives remotely and wants to
enroll
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enrol
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 to study in one of these places, they need to eventually move into Bangkok or some suburbs nearby for their studies. Simultaneously, there are more jobs required in the
city
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 than outside. Many businesses are operating mostly in the
city
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 because it would be easier for them to hire
people
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, and the market is more competitive.
For instance
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, more than 80% of job ads in many
of
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apply
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Australian job seeker websites are from shops or companies which are settled in the
city
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, and the prospected
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
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 are required to work on-site. In conclusion,
people
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 who live in
CBD
Correct article usage
the CBD
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 would get more benefits than those who live far away from the
city
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,
and
Correct word choice
apply
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I,
therefore
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, agree with
this
Linking Words
 sentence because many good education
centers
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centres
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 and businesses are usually
placed
Verb problem
located
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 in the
city
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, and
people
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 can get better quality for their studies and better careers.

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coherence and cohesion
The introduction is clear, but you could enhance it by providing a brief overview of the main points you will discuss in your essay. This helps the reader understand what to expect in the body paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Try to strengthen the conclusion by summarizing the key points more clearly and perhaps reiterating your position in a more emphatic way. This will reinforce your argument effectively.
task achievement
You mentioned 'top five most famous schools and universities in Thailand are all in Bangkok' but didn't specify them, making it less impactful. Including specific names would strengthen your argument.
task achievement
The statement 'more than 80% of job ads in many of Australian job seeker websites are from shops or companies which are settled in the city' is relevant, but a source or a citation would enhance its credibility. Always try to provide a foundation for your claims.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear stance on the topic by agreeing with the benefits of living in a city, which is important.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that develop supporting ideas, and a conclusion that summarizes your viewpoint.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • metropolitan
  • infrastructure
  • cosmopolitan
  • commute
  • sociocultural
  • prosperity
  • sustainability
  • rural
  • tranquility
  • urbanization
  • relocation
  • residential
  • populace
  • ecological footprint
What to do next:
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