IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#job #salary #consideration
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It is certainly true that most people when applying for a job care the most about the salary.
This
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 essay totally disagrees with that statement, I believe that individuals should consider other things when opting for an occupation. There are plenty of circumstances that matter before the paycheck, one of them is making sure that the occupation fits your skills and qualifications;
therefore
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, you can improve and evolve your expertise in your chosen field.
Moreover
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, new recruits should inquire about the office environment that they are going to be in because being 8 hours in the same place with the same people would inevitably affect your life and personality in one way or another;
thus
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, working in a toxic workplace could eventually be detrimental to your wellbeing,
for example
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, a survey done in the streets of London showed that most employees prefer to have a good relationship with their coworkers rather than a big salary.
Secondly
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, when an employee knows that he's working for a good cause, like helping the world become a better place he'll have a sense of fulfilment and satisfaction;
hence
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, he should enquire about the company's policy towards the environment
as well as
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 its ultimate goal before applying for a job there .
Furthermore
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, another important thing
besides
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 the salary is motivation, and if
this
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corporate
Replace the word
corporation
show examples
 encourages its labour to climb the career ladder successfully, whether through promotions or bonuses in the case that an employee did an exceptional job.
To conclude
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, for the reasons mentioned above and as I have discussed in
this
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 essay, I strongly think that money is the
last
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 thing individuals should consider when looking for an occupation.
Submitted by saberyouc on

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task response
The introduction does not clearly present the writer's position on the issue. It is important to clearly state the writer's opinion or stance in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and cohesive structure. The body paragraphs should each focus on a specific aspect of the argument, and the overall organization of the essay should be improved for better coherence and cohesion.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, but there are instances of awkward or incorrect word choices. Use more precise and academic language to strengthen the lexical resource.
grammatical range
The essay contains a variety of sentence structures and grammatical forms, but there are some errors in punctuation and sentence structure. Aim for more accurate and complex sentence structures with accurate punctuation.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • consideration
  • sole factor
  • financial stability
  • security
  • motivating factor
  • dissatisfaction
  • demotivation
  • job satisfaction
  • overall well-being
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • flexible working hours
  • vacations
  • career growth opportunities
  • skill development
  • advancement
  • determining factor
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