IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Government should invest more money in science education rather than other subjects to develop the country. Do you agree or disagree?

#government #money #science #education #subjects #country
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It is argued that
science
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education
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 should be the most funded field to contribute to the development of the
country
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. I partially agree with the statement and I will suggest reasons for my stance. On the one hand, there are many other aspects that need to be focused on
along with
Linking Words
science
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education
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. The government should raise money equally for every subject as they are all very important to
raise
Verb problem
apply
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the
country
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.
For example
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, problems around politics and society in some developing countries are not related to
science
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.
Hence
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, students need to be taught at school about the world so that they can be able to contribute to the
country
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 in the future.
Furthermore
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, educating students can
also
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 help to decrease youth crimes
such
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 as drug addiction.
On the other hand
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,
education
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 in
science
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 improves life’s quality and the productivity of the
country
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. As we are living in the modern world nowadays, many new devices are being created to help people, especially
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 field of medicine.
For example
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, doctors apply
science
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technology
Correct word choice
and technology
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 by using healthcare robots to collect data
of
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on
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 their patients and provide suitable treatments for them.
In addition
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, smart tools are
also
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 being used in the field of engineering to reduce manpower and the time to work, which boost productivity and directly contribute to the
country
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’s economy.
Therefore
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, educating about
science
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 can help students who graduate find a job related to the subject and research technology for the growth of the
country
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. In conclusion,
while
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science
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education
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 is important to support
human’s
Change noun form
human
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 life and the growth of the
country
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, other subjects
such
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 as politics and society are
also
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 necessary to solve non-scientific issues.
Therefore
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, the government should develop all aspects equally in order to improve the
country
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.
Submitted by cathyngo1512 on

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task achievement
While your response is well-developed, make sure to balance your arguments equally. Your support for science education is strong, but the examples on the need for funding other areas could be expanded.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that transitions between paragraphs and ideas are smooth to maintain a high level of coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a strong logical structure, with clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to support the arguments, particularly in the discussion of science education's impact.
task achievement
Ideas are comprehensive and clearly articulated, demonstrating your understanding of the topic.
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