Government should invest more money in science education rather than other subjects to develop the country. Do you agree or disagree?
Some
people
opine that in order to develop a country
, the government should spend their funds on science
education rather than other subjects like literature
and languages. While
we can not deny the impact of science
on the expansion of a country
, other factors rather than just science
are important too. Therefore
, I partially agree with the above opinion.
From
the past, Change preposition
In
science
has contributed to many improvements within a country
. It could be all
seen that technologies, cryptocurrency, and smartphones all came from Correct determiner usage
apply
science
.Science
has deleted the limitations of people
from the past and give
Wrong verb form
given
people
now a better life conditions
. Correct the article-noun agreement
better life conditions
a better life condition
For example
, if we did not have phones or computers at home in
the Covid-19 pandemic, we could not have learned or worked from home. Change preposition
during
Moreover
, science
has helped us prevent the impact Change preposition
on
to
the environment with many of the inventions, which Change preposition
on
Correct subject-verb agreement
allow
allows
Correct subject-verb agreement
allow
people
to live in a clean environment and have less chance to be
ill. More than that, Change preposition
of being
people
have found many other energy resources besides
fossil fuels. It could
be clearly seen that fossil fuels are non-renewable, so energy like wind turbines or solar power will allow Wrong verb form
can
people
to access the energy without affecting the environment.
However
, other subjects are also
paramount to the improvement of a country
. People
can gain different skills
from literature
, geography or history. Literature
assists the learner in having social skills
; geography helps people
having
analytics Wrong verb form
have
skills
, and in history, people
can learn how to learn from the mistakes from the past. All the skills
above will allow people
to be a more perfect person. Furthermore
, science
only develops one side of the brain
, which is the left-side
of the Correct your spelling
left side
brain
. If we learn arts, we can also
improve the other brain
side, which is creativity, images and emotions. People
can not live in a society without expressing their views about life. Also
, with the help of the right-side brain
, the left-side brain
can also
improve the performance of people
because now they can access a larger skills
range.
In conclusion, Fix the agreement mistake
skill
while
science
’s contribution to the changing process of a country
is large, the government can not just invest all the money in only
Correct word choice
apply
science
. Rather than that, they should also
care about other subjects like arts or literature
.Submitted by cathyngo1512 on
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Developing Arguments
Ensure to include specific examples and evidence to solidify your arguments, especially when discussing the importance of other subjects alongside science.
Clarifying Position
Improve the clarity of your position by directly addressing the question in both the introduction and conclusion. A clearer stance will enhance task response.
Sentence Variety and Connectives
Consider diversifying your sentence structures and using a range of connectives to enhance the flow and coherence of your essay.
Balanced Argument
You've done a good job presenting a balanced view, acknowledging the importance of both science and other subjects in national development.
Introduction and Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and present your thesis and summary effectively, making your essay easy to follow.
Logical Structure
Your essay displays a logical structure with well-organized paragraphs that guide the reader smoothly through your argument.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example