IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which cause many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
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It is often said that packed foods and beverages often contain significant amounts of
sugar
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, thereby leading to numerous health issues for consumers. One school of thought holds that those
products
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 have to increase their
cost
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 in order to discourage people to eat less
sugar
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. I partially agree with
this
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 method.
This
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 essay will discuss more in detail. On one hand, the notion of increasing sugary product costs is somewhat justifiable.
This
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 is because high costs will make consumers consider carefully before deciding whether they should buy these
products
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 or allot money to other essential items, namely bread or clothes.
As a result
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,
instead
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 of going with instant
products
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, the masses may opt for other sweet fruits, which are not only good for their health but
also
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 more
cost
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-efficient.
On the other hand
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, rising product costs may not ensure that people will eat less
sugar
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. To be specific, companies can only rise the
cost
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 of
products
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 to a certain extent. If they sell irrationally expensive biscuits and candies, they would bankrupt in case of no buyers.
Therefore
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, a small change in
cost
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 may not contribute to a low level of
sugar
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 consumption. In a nutshell, it is understandable why a host of people subscribe to the idea of increasing the
cost
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 of sugary
products
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,
however
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,
this
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 method can have a minus point as I mentioned above. For the future, my recommendation is that government should come up with other effective measures
such
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 as raising public awareness about excessively consuming
sugar
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.
Submitted by chik4037 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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