IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think that the government should increase tax on unhealthy food to encourage people to start eating healthy. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #tax #food
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Some people are encouraging
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 to raise the tax rate on unhealthy food to enforce healthy eating habits because there has been an increase in obesity caused by ingesting unhealthy meals daily. I would agree that increasing
tax
Correct article usage
the tax
show examples
 on junk food will reduce the number of people taking it as a meal and
instead
Linking Words
cook
Wrong verb form
cooking
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 their own healthy
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
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 at home.
Firstly
Linking Words
, fast foods in general are the main cause
to
Change preposition
of
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 the percentage rise of obesity as the
diet
Use synonyms
consist
Change the verb form
consists
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 of oil, sugar, and carbohydrates which eventually all
turns
Correct subject-verb agreement
turn
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 into fats when the calories are not offsetted.
For example
Linking Words
, a person
eats
Correct pronoun usage
who eats
show examples
burger
Fix the agreement mistake
burgers
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 and fries for a meal will exceed the recommended daily intake of sugar.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
unhealthy
Add an article
an unhealthy
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diet
Use synonyms
 will lead to many
sickness
Change to a plural noun
sicknesses
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 in an individual
such
Linking Words
 as diabetes and cancer because
unhealthy
Correct article usage
an unhealthy
show examples
diet
Use synonyms
 often
consist
Change the verb form
consists
show examples
 of preservatives and
large
Change the article
a large
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 amount of sodium.
For example
Linking Words
, the frozen burger patties sold in the supermarket frozen section always have their patties taste very salty which
result
Correct subject-verb agreement
results
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to
Change preposition
in
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 an individual craving for sugary drinks that will expose that person to diabetes. In conclusion, raising
tax
Correct article usage
a tax
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 on unhealthy food is a good decision to advertise
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
diet
Use synonyms
 to everyone which indirectly
saving
Wrong verb form
saves
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 way more lives than one can imagine. Another advantage is that body shame cases will go down among kids which is
also
Linking Words
 a severe problem
that is
Linking Words
 caused by obesity.
Submitted by honzent99 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unhealthy food
  • junk food
  • calorie-dense
  • taxing
  • incentivize
  • manufacturers
  • prohibitively expensive
  • disproportionately
  • low-income households
  • healthcare costs
  • obesity
  • diet-related diseases
  • punitive measures
  • lifestyle choices
  • government intervention
  • food industry
  • economic impact
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