IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The chart below gives information about how families in one country spenttheir weekly income in 1968 and in 2018.

The chart below gives information about how families in one country spenttheir weekly income in 1968 and in 2018.
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The bar charts illustrate information about the proportion of
money
Use synonyms
 that families spent weekly income on their expenditures in 1968 and 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the highest percentages in 1968 were spent on
food
Use synonyms
 ,
while
Linking Words
 the lowest percentages in 2018 were spent on Fuel and power and Personal goods.
Moreover
Linking Words
, spending on household goods in both years was the same proportion. In 1968,
Food
Use synonyms
 was the largest amount of their spending, which was 35% of their income. The second highest percentages were for housing and clothing and footwear, which were 10 %.
In addition
Linking Words
, the rest of expenditures were spent approximately just under 10% of income, except fuel and power was the lowest proportion that people spent
money
Use synonyms
 on it around just over 5 % In 2018, people in the city spent
money
Use synonyms
 on their leisure at almost a quarter, which was the biggest percentage. Housing and
food
Use synonyms
 were spent almost the same at just under 20% ,which was the most second fundamental expenditure spending ,and spending on
food
Use synonyms
 was exceeded into
second
Change the article
the second
show examples
 rank
instead
Linking Words
 of clothing and footwear in 1968.
While
Linking Words
 the amount of
money
Use synonyms
 that people spent on household goods was the same at just under 10 %.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words money, food with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just under" was used 3 times.
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