IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

The graph below compares changes in the birth rates of China and the USA between 1920 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The graph below compares changes in the birth rates of China and the USA between 1920 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#changes #birth #rates #china #usa #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The line graph compares
birth
 rates in
China
 and the US and how these rates changed from 1920 to 2000.
Overall
, the
birth
 rates of both nations decreased over the
period
 of 80 years.
Although
 the two trends were similar in terms of a general decline, the
birth
rate
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the USA in most years was higher than that of
China
. In the 1920-1935
period
, the
birth
rate
 in America fluctuated,
although
 it always remained above 10%.
However
, in the following decade, the American
birth
rate
 fell sharply to below 5%. In the 1950s, the figure for the USA increased significantly to exactly 15%, which was its highest point during the 80-year
period
. Throughout the remainder of the
period
, there was a gradual decline in the US
birth
rate
, which fell to 7% by the year 2000. Over the same
period
, the
birth
rate
 in
China
 varied more significantly than in the US. It dropped to 5% from 1940 to 1945 before reaching the highest point of the whole line graph, 20%, in 1950.
By contrast
, 5 years later, the
birth
rate
 in
China
 decreased rapidly by over 10%, falling to approximately 2% in 2000.
Submitted by quando98952 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words birth, china, period, rate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "compares" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fell" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
▼

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