The bar chart gives.information about how many Japanese tourists travelled overseas over a 10-year period from1985 to 1995,while the line graph illustrates Australia 's share of Japanese tourist market during the same timefirame

The bar chart gives.information about how many Japanese tourists travelled overseas over a 10-year period from1985 to 1995,while the line graph illustrates Australia 's share of Japanese tourist market during the same timefirame
The bar chart gives information about how many
Japanese
tourists travelled overseas over a 10-year
period
from 1985 to 1995,
while
the line graph illustrates Australia`s share of
Japanese
Correct article usage
the Japanese
show examples
tourist market during the same timeframe.
Overall
, the number of
Japanese
people travelling abroad followed a consistent upward trend, with only one slight decline in
early
Change the article
the early
show examples
1990s, and showed the highest figure
at the end
of the
period
.
Likewise
, the percentage of tourists from Japan to Australia increased gradually, regardless of a sudden dip in the middle of the
period
. In 1985, only around 5
million
Japanese
individuals travelled abroad, the least number throughout the entire
period
. In the following five years,
however
,
this
number more than doubled to about 11
million
before experiencing a negligible drop to just over 10
million
in 1991.
Then
, there was consistent growth in the next four years to
finally
peak at 15
million
in 1995. As for Australia`s share of Japan`s tourist market, there was a similar continuous growing pattern. The percentage of
Japanese
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
who visited Australia saw a dramatic rise from the start of the
period
, increasing from only 2% in 1985 to approximately 5% in 1989. Having seen a sudden fall to almost 4% in the following year, the figure showed a gradual upward trend until 1994 and reached
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
peak of just over 6%.
Lastly
, in 1995,
this
decreased slightly to 6%.
Submitted by ieltsteaching0 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
Vocabulary: Replace the words japanese, period, million with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "gives" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "just over" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: