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Band 5

Modern technology now allows rapid and uncontrolled access to and exchange of information. Far from being beneficial, this is a danger to our society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#technology #access #exchange #information #danger #society
Technology
 has been a huge part of
people
's lives for
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 few decades,
due to
 its
conveniency
Correct your spelling
convenience
convenient
 when you try to
exhange
Correct your spelling
exchange
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
information
 with other
people
.
Also
, thanks to
technology
people
 are able to find any
information
 that they need in seconds. But modern
technology
also
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 has its own disadvantages, but in my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 they do not outweigh its advantages.
For
this
 reason, I completely oppose
this
 idea.
FIrst
Correct your spelling
First
show examples
 and foremost,
technology
 helps
people
 to communicate with each other easily. As an example,
people
 that live in different countries would be able to get in contact with each other in a convenient way.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 means that it will be easier for
people
 to fight loneliness, and
therefore
 some other psychological conditions.
Secondly
, nowadays
people
 are able to find any
information
 that they need in seconds. which makes them to be less reluctant to learn new skills. I mean that it will be much harder for
people
 to find any excuses for not improving their skills and expanding their knowledge. And
this
 will lead to a smarter community.
However
, despite all of these pros, modern
technology
also
 has some disadvantages,
such
 as
spreading
Correct article usage
the spreading
show examples
 of false
information
. If we take into account the fact that now
information
 exchanges quite fast, and
therefore
people
 would be confused easily because of all the false
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
. As an example, sometimes
people
 prefer to search
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
syptoms
Correct your spelling
symptoms
 when they are sick,
hence
 they confuse themselves.
To sum up
, in my opinion, in spite of all the disadvantages
people
 got accustomed to
technology
 and no one will be able to stop using it. Now modern
technology
 surrounds us everywhere.
Submitted by Ayan on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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