IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Social media addiction: Many people believe that social networking sites such as Facebook have a negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#media #addiction #people #sites #facebook #impact #individuals #society
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Nowadays, more and more
people
Use synonyms
 have a big amount of accounts in social
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
 like Facebook, Instagram, YouTube etc.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
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 does it make any impact on our society? First of
all
Add a comma
,all
show examples
 let's begin with the positive view on that question. Social apps give us an opportunity to contact
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
,
businesess
Correct your spelling
businesses
,
companies
Correct word choice
and companies
show examples
 around the world. It
also
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 allows us to earn money and spend our free time checking
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
instagram
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Instagram
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 etc. . We can have fun doing that so many times per day and it's not annoying for us.
However
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, there are more things to consider on the
over hand
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overhand
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.
Fistly
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First
, a big amount of
people
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern times have social services addiction. Society can't live without notifications on their phones, they
fell
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feel
show examples
badly
Change the word
bad
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, if there is no new message sound on their phones. To add to
this
Linking Words
 notifications don't allow us to concentrate and enter the "Hyperfocus" mode, which is essential for our brains to work. The next thing to mention
,
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apply
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 is the envy
to
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of
show examples
 other
people
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. When
user
Add an article
a user
the user
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 sees
someones
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someone's
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 photo in an expensive car he wants it too, and
also
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 he has too much anger
on
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about
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 a person in
good
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a good
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 car, because
user
Add an article
the user
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 thinks: "Why he has it, but I don't?".
As a result
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people
Use synonyms
 slowly are becoming angry, as we know anger leads to
the
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apply
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depression, anxiety and so on.
Linking Words
Moreover
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,Moreover
show examples
 social
medias
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media
show examples
 are
oftenly
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often
 lying to us
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
everyone can make a photo
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 Lamborghini, but it
doesn's
Correct your spelling
doesn't
 mean that an individual owns that car.
Besides
Linking Words
Linking Words
this
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,this
show examples
 the
last
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, but not least is the thing that social
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
 are wasting our time, if we do not use them properly and efficiently.
For
Linking Words
instance
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,instance
show examples
Linking Words
then
Correct your spelling
when
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 we are listing TikTok we forget to make some useful
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
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 for us, for
exapmle
Correct your spelling
example
 exercise or
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
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 some new skills. In conclusion, in my point of view, social websites have more negative
impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
show examples
 on our society, than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
. They
also
Linking Words
missconcentrate
Correct your spelling
miss-concentrate
 us,
oftenly
Correct your spelling
often
 lying to us and
lead
Wrong verb form
leading
show examples
ourselves
Correct pronoun usage
us
show examples
 on the way of anxiety anger and depression, which slowly are killing us.
Submitted by amur200617 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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