today, more school leavers are unable to find jobs. discuss the causes of rising unemployment among young adults and suggest any solutions.

#school #leavers #jobs #unemployment #adults

It is common that

school

graduates are difficult to get

job

Add an article

a job

the job

show examples

and it will increase

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

show examples

unemployment rates. I strongly believe in

this

phenomenon where the

government

and industrial sectors should make a good relationship to tackle

this

issues

Fix the agreement mistake

issue

show examples

To begin

with,

Government

should take their responsibility to make sure their

people

can access higher education. Because once they graduated from higher education there will be many options to get a better

job

. If

people

only graduated from

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

high

school

, their skills

still

Add a missing verb

are still

show examples

limited and many industries

as well as

bussiness

Correct your spelling

business

businesses

tend to see

people

who have certain skills and capacities to

work

with.

For example

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

show examples

start-up companies

are prefer

Change the verb form

prefer

show examples

to have

Add an article

an employer

show examples

employer

Fix the agreement mistake

employers

show examples

that mastering

Change preposition

apply

show examples

computer science so they can

work

straight away rather than working with

people

who only have a

school

degree.

Hence

, I believe that the more education

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

people

have, the more

chooices

Correct your spelling

choices

will be open

for

Change preposition

show examples

them.

This

also

will have them

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

increase their quality of life if they have a good

job

with a good income.

Moreover

, a strong collaboration between companies and

government

Correct article usage

the government

show examples

should be made in ensuring that young adults will not leave behind.

This

can be made by providing more

job

exhibition

Fix the agreement mistake

exhibitions

show examples

and

Wrong verb form

sharing

show examples

the information widely so

people

who want to

work

straight away after they finish

school

can access

this

information.

Government

and industrial sectors

also

can

work

together in providing

trainings

Change the wording

training

pieces of training

show examples

to encourage them to make their own

bussiness

Correct your spelling

businesses

This

can

benefiting

Change the verb form

benefit

be benefiting

show examples

not only the country because their income will increase

due to

many young

people

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

currently working as

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

enterpreneur

Correct your spelling

entrepreneur

, but

also

these young adults can have their own income and provide

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

show examples

job

opportunities for others. To

be conclude

Change the verb form

conclude

show examples

Correct article usage

the govenrment

show examples

govenrment

Correct your spelling

government

and business sectors should have a synergy in making sure that

people

will be absorbed in

job

Add an article

the job

show examples

field or making them able to be

enterpreneur

Correct your spelling

entrepreneur

entrepreneurs

that can provide

Add an article

a job

show examples

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

show examples

for

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

others.

Submitted by Parayogi on Fri Jul 07 2023

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Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
33Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

321 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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today, more school leavers are unable to find jobs. discuss the causes of rising unemployment among young adults and suggest any solutions.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

The rise of social media has affected personal relationships and society as a whole. Do the advantages of using social media for communication outweigh the disadvangtages?

Many people today are choosing to live and work in another country after graduating from university in their home country. Why is this? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Many social media accounts are fake. What problems does this cause? What solution can you suggest?

Government should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In many parts of the world girls and boys are educated together in co- education or mixed schools. Some people think that girls and boys benefit from being educated separately in single-sex schools. To what extent do you agree with this view ?