IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

If students were given the choice between ‘not to study’ and ‘study most of the time’, they would choose ‘not to study’. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

#students #choice #‘not #study’ #‘study #time’ #support
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Once pupils were awarded to opt to
focus
Use synonyms
 on studying at times or not to
focus
Use synonyms
 on studying.
This
Linking Words
 is more likely to
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
decide to do not
Use synonyms
study
Fix the infinitive
to study
show examples
. In my opinion,
due to
Linking Words
 having no future with high
educations
Fix the agreement mistake
education
show examples
,
students
Use synonyms
 find other activities more attractive than studying. It is my view that pupils would decide to not
study
Use synonyms
 since it is an undeniable fact that nowadays numerous young people could develop remarkable
skills
Use synonyms
 without just studying hard.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they
focus
Use synonyms
 on other activities and prefer to
be not excel
Change the verb form
not excel
show examples
 in just one subject. They want to have something to say in different areas which is extremely good because that would help their personal development and social
skills
Use synonyms
 as well.
In addition
Linking Words
, undoubtedly, they were exposed to a wide variety of situations which is great, as every experience can have at least one valuable lesson.
Thus
Linking Words
, they are more prepared for their future life.
In contrast
Linking Words
, some
students
Use synonyms
 may opt to
study
Use synonyms
 from time to time.
However
Linking Words
, I do not find
this
Linking Words
 argument convincing as pupils have to be involved in studying. Definitely because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 education is compulsory and there is
examination
Correct article usage
an examination
show examples
 system in schools. It seems to me that, those
students
Use synonyms
 who choose to
focus
Use synonyms
 on studying still think that it is essential for every adult to have a strong
credential
Fix the agreement mistake
credentials
show examples
 to become succeed.
Although
Linking Words
 holding a university degree is a minimum requirement for many high-paying jobs, interpersonal
skills
Use synonyms
 are really concerned. In conclusion, I completely agree with the choice of
students
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
not to
study
Use synonyms
 if they had a chance to choose because they could use their time efficiently to acquire interpersonal
skills
Use synonyms
 which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
acted as a deterrent
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
abolished
Add an article
the abolished
show examples
 education system. Indeed,
this
Linking Words
 opportunity would help them to pursue a career and having a lucrative career can bring a sense of satisfaction for them too.
Submitted by mahsa19amiri on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: