IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, older people who need employment have to compete with younger people. What problems does this cause and what are the Solutions?

#people #employment
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, elderly
people
 struggle
in finding
Change preposition
to find
show examples
employment
 even though they have more experience than younger
people
.In
this
 essay, I will discuss the main cause why elderly
people
 onto difficulties looking for a proper job. In
this
 essay, I will discuss suggestions for solving
this
 issue that is increasing day by day in today's society.
To begin
 with, older
people
 are putting aside for
employment
,
due to
 the fact that even if they have more experience in the work industry, they are no longer providing the energy and the enthusiasm that a young adult does.
For example
, elderly
people
 might not provide the requirements that factories or business companies ask for. They can find it exhausting
in dealing
Change preposition
to deal
show examples
 with modern technology which can be a key factor for
employment
.Elderly
people
 are often rejected as an employee
due to
 the lack of dealing with modern gadgets and how they can put their lives in danger if they work too hard.
On the other hand
, communities should help with the lack of
employment
 for elderly
people
. Old
people
 can have a number of qualities that companies can benefit from .
For example
, elderly
people
 tend to be more patient than younger employees and
also
 pay more attention. They can deal with situations that younger
people
 find hard , quite calm as they are more experimented than them in certain fields. In conclusion, old
people
 might not be as good as they once were,
however
, that does not mean that they should not have the right to
employment
, society should keep a balance with employers that are young or old so that we can help both generations to procure their career.
Submitted by annaungureanu794 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay provides a partial response to the task. Make sure to fully address the causes and solutions of the issue.
coherence and cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. Ensure that these are present and well-structured.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: