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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, older people who need employment have to compete with younger people. What problems does this cause and what are the Solutions?

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Nowadays, elderly
people
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 struggle
in finding
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to find
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employment
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 even though they have more experience than younger
people
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.In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the main cause why elderly
people
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 onto difficulties looking for a proper job. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss suggestions for solving
this
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 issue that is increasing day by day in today's society.
To begin
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 with, older
people
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 are putting aside for
employment
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,
due to
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 the fact that even if they have more experience in the work industry, they are no longer providing the energy and the enthusiasm that a young adult does.
For example
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, elderly
people
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 might not provide the requirements that factories or business companies ask for. They can find it exhausting
in dealing
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to deal
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 with modern technology which can be a key factor for
employment
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.Elderly
people
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 are often rejected as an employee
due to
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 the lack of dealing with modern gadgets and how they can put their lives in danger if they work too hard.
On the other hand
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, communities should help with the lack of
employment
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 for elderly
people
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. Old
people
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 can have a number of qualities that companies can benefit from .
For example
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, elderly
people
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 tend to be more patient than younger employees and
also
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 pay more attention. They can deal with situations that younger
people
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 find hard , quite calm as they are more experimented than them in certain fields. In conclusion, old
people
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 might not be as good as they once were,
however
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, that does not mean that they should not have the right to
employment
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, society should keep a balance with employers that are young or old so that we can help both generations to procure their career.

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task response
The essay provides a partial response to the task. Make sure to fully address the causes and solutions of the issue.
coherence and cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. Ensure that these are present and well-structured.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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