IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#organisations #employees #dress #value #quality #work #appearance
It has become increasingly common for some organisations
believe
Fix the infinitive
to believe
show examples
 that their employees should
dress
 smartly . some
people
 believe that
dress
Wrong verb form
dressing
show examples
 smartly is necessary for any
jod
Correct your spelling
job
 .
however
,few companies brought out
uniform
Fix the agreement mistake
uniforms
show examples
.So is it necessary to
dress
 smartly when working ? No one can deny the fact that
dress
Wrong verb form
dressing
show examples
 smartly is essential in life which is
important
Correct quantifier usage
more important
show examples
 than for insurance companies or fashion , the immediate result it produces is everybody will
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
have
Add the particle
tohave
show examples
 feel reliable ,
create
Wrong verb form
creating
show examples
 the point well for customers result as some companies
attractive
Add a missing verb
are attractive
show examples
 many
people
 know and buy it perhaps the most obvious result of
that is
 business advantage
delopment
Correct your spelling
development
. Not thing could be apparent than evidence that
people
dress
Correct pronoun usage
who dress
show examples
 smartly have
domestic
Add an article
a domestic
show examples
contract
Fix the agreement mistake
contracts
show examples
 with
cilent
Correct your spelling
client
.
By
contrast
Add a comma
,contrast
show examples
dress
Replace the word
dressing
show examples
comfotable
Correct your spelling
comfortably
 is easier than .. I think it is necessary when working need appearance.
On the other hand
 , if you work in an IT company and you never go out, do you need to
dress
 well?a technician
argue
Change the verb form
argues
show examples
 that the most important is how
do
Correct your spelling
to
show examples
work well their
job
 not
Correct quantifier usage
most important
show examples
important
Change the word
importantly
show examples
dress
 well .When they
dress
comfortable
Change the word
comfortably
show examples
positive
Change the word
positively
show examples
 effect
their
Change preposition
on their
show examples
job
 its bring out
effect
Add an article
the effect
show examples
. Labours need to
comfortable
Add a missing verb
be comfortable
show examples
 moving so they choose normal clothes
instead
 of
another
Replace the adjective
other
show examples
 clothes . By contrasting should
dress
 smartly to reach points in
job
Add an article
the job
a job
show examples
personaly
Correct your spelling
Personally
,I am
student
Add an article
a student
show examples
 so that
dress
Wrong verb form
dressing
show examples
 smartly is not important and in my school had
Add an article
a uniform
show examples
uniform
Fix the agreement mistake
uniforms
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 other students ,
this
 is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
away
Correct your spelling
way
show examples
 to bring
people
 closer. All in all , depending on
job
Add an article
the job
show examples
 should choose the right outfit for yourself to
promte
Correct your spelling
promote
 development and improve yourself.
Submitted by sinh.ielts on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: