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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In your opinion, why is the circus still a popular form of entertainment in the modern electronic age?

#circus #form #entertainment #age
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In our modern society,
besides
Linking Words
 technology instruments, circuses are still well-known as
a
Remove the article
apply
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wonderful entertainment. In my opinion, there is a huge difference between entertaining
people
Use synonyms
 live or
electronicaly
Correct your spelling
electronically
 on the screen. At
first,
Linking Words
in
Add an article
the entertaining
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entertaining
Replace the word
entertainment
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industry
Add a comma
,industry
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 it is
crrutial
Correct your spelling
crucial
 to pay attention to the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of observers and
also
Linking Words
 the profit. In our modern world
gadjets
Correct your spelling
gadgets
, apps and gizmos are playing the
roll
Correct your spelling
role
show examples
 so that most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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really like to spend their leisure time scrolling pages and watching different kinds of videos.
For example
Linking Words
, educational videos, comedy or films.
Moreover
Linking Words
, these apps rather than being free for everyone in the world,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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make
all the
Correct determiner usage
apply
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people
Use synonyms
 much lazy than before because they do not have to drive to the beautiful flower festival or the classic cars exhibits.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, we can see that all our imagination about entertaining tools was wrong because nowadays the circus is still
a
Correct your spelling
as
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 popular exhibit for
people
Use synonyms
 as it was before.
This
Linking Words
 magical tent has a lot of
thing
Change to a plural noun
things
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 to show and it can not be frustrating in the
hole
Correct your spelling
whole
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 story of mankind.
In addition
Linking Words
, in the
circus
Add a comma
,circus
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 we can see clowns, juggling, horseback riding and so on.
Moreover
Linking Words
, live shoes always have their special audience because they are still the peoples who really like
tohave
Correct your spelling
to have
 breathe taking experience
with
Change preposition
of
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 watching an amazing lion in the open cave under
the
Correct article usage
a
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 big tent. These shows
also
Linking Words
 have detrimental effects
in
Change preposition
on
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 animals' environment.
For example
Linking Words
, all the circuses have a trainer to teach each animal how to talk, dance, fly or run in front of the thousands of
people
Use synonyms
 who are gazing
to
Change preposition
into
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 their eyes. They take them apart from their families in order to
fullfil
Correct your spelling
fulfil
 their
puckets
Correct your spelling
pockets
packets
 which is not
ethically
Change the word
ethical
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 at all.
Moreover
Linking Words
, these shows need a big
budjet
Correct your spelling
budget
 because not only they should pay all workers payment but
also
Linking Words
 they should feed all the animals well and
also
Linking Words
 their
vaccination
Replace the word
vaccinated
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 to keep them alive
at
Change preposition
for at
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 least for few years. In conclusion, despite everyone's thoughts about modern
entertainments
Fix the agreement mistake
entertainment
show examples
, circuses
are still have
Change the verb form
still have
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 their place in
people
Use synonyms
's hearts because of something that can not be seen
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 any
smartphones
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphone
show examples
.
Submitted by javadsaady1992 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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