IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the government should ban dangerous sports activities, but others think that people should have the freedom to choose sports activities. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In recent days,
sports
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became
Verb problem
have
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 more
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
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issues
Fix the agreement mistake
issue
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 in many countries. Few individuals feel that the government should not allow dangerous
sports
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, but others think that
people
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 have the right to choose their interests in
sports
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. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both sides and give my opinion in the summary.
To begin
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 with,
Sports
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 and exercise are the most important activities that everyone has to practice to maintain their health and fitness.
While
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 some
people
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 think
sports
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 that are dangerous should be banned
due to
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 the
risk
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 of losing a person's life.
For example
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, swimmers or divers who dive into deep water are at
risk
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 of being attacked by sea creatures or large whales.
Similarly
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, climbers in the
mountain
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mountains
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 fall from heights and
also
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have
Verb problem
face
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 the
risk
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 of life.
Therefore
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, dangerous
sports
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 always have the
risk
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of
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to
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 athletes' and children's
life
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lives
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.
On the other hand
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,
People
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 feel comfortable when they are allowed to choose the activities of their interests.
This
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 ensures the person has more effort and determination in the play to perform to the maximum.
For example
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, successful cricketers
such
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 as Sachin and Dhoni have chosen their favourite sport
Punctuation problem
,
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cricket. They
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also
Verb problem
are also
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being
Verb problem
apply
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the best role model to the young generations for choosing their favourite
sports
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.
Therefore
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, the government should put efforts are educating teenagers on the importance of
sports
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 and how to select the right
sports
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 to avoid risks.
To conclude
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, dangerous
sports
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 can be avoided or controlled with proper awareness
to
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of
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 the
people
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.
Although
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 dangerous
sports
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 are controlled,
people
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 should be given the right to pick their determined
sports
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 with full freedom
in
Punctuation problem
, in
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 my opinion.

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structure
Plan a clear view at the start. In the intro, say what you think. Then show two reasons in the body, one per paragraph, and end with a short view in the conclusion.
ideas
Give full and clear reasons for each point. Do not be short or vague. Link each idea to the view you give.
examples
Use easy and real examples that fit the point. Explain how the example shows the idea.
grammar
Check grammar and fix mistakes in sentences. Watch for mistakes in verb form and word order.
content
You show both sides of the topic.
stance
You give your own view at the end.
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