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Band 2

In some areas of the US, a ‘curfew’ is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this?

#areas #‘curfew’ #teenagers #doors #time #night #adult
In my opinion, a teenager has their own rights, but I agree
if
Correct word choice
that
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 “curfew is
impos
Correct your spelling
imposed
” because nowadays there is a lot of crime everywhere. The parents
also
 protect their children from crime. Curfew in
impos
Correct your spelling
imposing
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
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 important not to get carried away in a negative direction. Curfew, emphasizes that
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
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 in the family, if they still have outside activities, must be able to provide information or someone is responsible for these activities.
Beside
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Besides
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 that, there are many kidnappings that happen when you are still outside the house at night. The example is my experience. In my family, curfew is
impos
Correct your spelling
imposed
, because I'm a girl and can't come home too late. In my
family
Add a comma
family,
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 there is a time limit, namely at 10 o'clock you have to be home, because in my city at 10 o'clock and above it is no longer safe
,
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apply
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 because there are robbers and other crimes.The parents
allow
Wrong verb form
are allowed
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 to save the children from robbers and
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
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. So I agree
if
Change preposition
with
show examples
 “curfew
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
impos
Correct your spelling
important
” because it is for the common good.
Submitted by twiggseducationbdg on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. Make sure to provide a brief introduction that presents the main topic and your stance on it. Similarly, conclude the essay by summarizing your main points and restating your opinion.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay could be improved. Ensure that your ideas are organized in a coherent and logical manner. Consider using paragraphs to separate different ideas or arguments.
coherence cohesion
You need to provide more supporting points or examples to justify your opinion. Use specific and relevant examples or evidence to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Your essay lacks a complete response to the task. Make sure to fully address the prompt by presenting your opinion, supporting it with reasons, and considering opposing viewpoints.
task achievement
The essay lacks clear and comprehensive ideas. Take the time to develop your arguments and provide detailed explanations or analysis to support your opinions.
task achievement
You have provided an example from your personal experience, which is good. However, try to provide more diverse and relevant examples to support your arguments.
lexical resource
You need to work on your lexical resource. Use a wider range of vocabulary and avoid repetition. Additionally, pay attention to word forms and collocations to enhance your writing.
grammatical range
There are some grammatical errors throughout the essay. Be more careful with your sentence structure, verb tenses, and subject-verb agreement. Proofread your work to correct any mistakes.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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