The chart below shows the annual number of rentals and sales (in various formats) of films from a particular store between 2002 and 2011.

#rentals #sales #formats #films #store

The chart

provide

Change the verb form

provides

show examples

an analysis of

Change the article

the

show examples

annual number of rental and

sales

of films,

among

Change preposition

show examples

paticular

Correct your spelling

particular

store in the nine-years period ranging from 2002 to 2011. The study classified subjects into rentals, VHS , DVD,

blue

Correct word choice

and blue

show examples

ray

sales

Overall

, it is clear to see that there were changes in the assessment, indicating that most of

Add an article

the choice

show examples

choice

Fix the agreement mistake

choices

show examples

were DVD

sales

, despite the drop

the

Change preposition

in the

show examples

numbers. In 2002 the rental

sales

started

with

Change preposition

show examples

180.000

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

after that decrease

gradualy

Correct your spelling

gradually

until

Change preposition

show examples

55.000 in 2011.

However

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

DVD

sales

where were the less amount

Change preposition

show examples

first

Correct article usage

the first

show examples

year

with

Change preposition

show examples

45.000 and in 2007 hit a pic

in to

Join the words

into

show examples

schoking

Correct your spelling

shocking

choking

rate of 205.000,

then

started

declined

Change the verb form

to decline

show examples

steadily by 2011. Contrasting, the VHS sale in 2002

start

Wrong verb form

started

show examples

being

second

Change the article

the second

show examples

choice, rating around 85.000.

However

, it were dropping until not

have

Wrong verb form

having

show examples

this

type of sale in 2006. Despite

this

, the blue rays just started

sales

after 2007 and

was

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

rose

gradualy

Correct your spelling

gradually

in little numbers, finalized in 2011 with 12.000 of choice.

Submitted by tatianakerches on Sun Jul 09 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

▼

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".

▼

Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.

▼

Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.

▼

Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words sales with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.

▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24Grammar mistakes
 

2 paragraphs

164 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Trend
Rentals
Sales
Formats
VHS (Video Home System)
DVD (Digital Versatile Disc)
Blu-ray
Peak
Decline
Rise
Market changes
Digital downloads
Physical formats
Over the years
Annual
Comparison
Impact
Technological advancements
Shift
Predictions

What to do next:

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The chart below shows the annual number of rentals and sales (in various formats) of films from a particular store between 2002 and 2011.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think that individuals today are more dependent on each other. Others believe people have become more independent on each other. Discuss both views and give your opinion

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world go hungry. why is this the caces? what can be done about this problem?

Nowadays parents are forcing their ward to do part time jobs in their free time. Write the advantages and disadvantages of this phenomenon.

Despite the existence of legal institutions such as courts to resolve differences between people, some people still think that it is better to settle for cases out of courts. To what extent so you agree ?

Nowadays it is possible to use computers and mobile phones for automatic language translation, and there is no need for human translators and interpreters. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?