IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #situation
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Working long
hours
Use synonyms
 and
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 leisure
activities
Use synonyms
 is considered a dangerous working style. People following
such
Linking Words
 a practice can surely earn a lot more money and
hence
Linking Words
 can afford an affluent lifestyle, but the prominent question is, is it sustainable and
benificial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 for
such
Linking Words
 individuals? Some research papers suggest that people spending less time on fun
activities
Use synonyms
 experience increased stress and have a poor work-life balance.
First,
Linking Words
we will
breifly
Correct your spelling
briefly
 discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the advantages of long working
hours
Use synonyms
, and later we will expand on
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
 that stand if we skip leisure
activities
Use synonyms
. Working overtime can help you earn additional money and might help you
building
Wrong verb form
build
show examples
 good repo with your boss,
also
Linking Words
labeling
Change the spelling
labelling
show examples
 you as a
hard working
Add a hyphen
hard-working
show examples
 employee.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, you can afford an affluent lifestyle with the additional stream of money coming in for overtime.
For example
Linking Words
, you can plan an expensive yearly vacation in a foreign country. But constantly long working
hours
Use synonyms
 pattern is not sustainable. If you regularly work overtime, you will feel a rush of
anxity
Correct your spelling
anxiety
 and increased levels of stress.
Imbalanced
Correct article usage
An imbalanced
show examples
 work-life style, without taking necessary breaks for hobbies and fun
activities
Use synonyms
, can eventually cause
loss
Correct article usage
a loss
show examples
 of interest in professional life. Recharging batteries is essential for all humans by participating in other entertaining
activities
Use synonyms
. As recommended by many professional health experts,
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
exercises
 and
activities
Use synonyms
 like meditation can significantly improve our focus and motivation
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 work.
Thus
Linking Words
, in conclusion, I would say long working
hours
Use synonyms
 and less time for leisure have more disadvantages than a handful of advantages. Hobbies and fun
activities
Use synonyms
 recharge our batteries and help us more with work than staying late and burning candles at both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ends.
Submitted by sameersharmarg on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • stress relief
  • productivity
  • economic growth
  • career progression
  • skill enhancement
  • quality time
  • financial security
  • leisure activities
  • physical health
  • personal relationships
  • stress-related illnesses
What to do next:
Look at other essays: