IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Do the advantages of modern technology outweigh the disadvantages?

In
moder
Correct your spelling
modern
 times, with the advancement of modern
technology
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 can enjoy the comforts of life compared with the past.
Although
Linking Words
 there are some drawbacks
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 modern
technology
Use synonyms
, the wide range of modern
technology
Use synonyms
 helps
people
Use synonyms
 in office
work
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 in housework. I firmly believe that the positive effects of current
technology
Use synonyms
outweighs
Change the verb form
outweigh
show examples
 the negative effects. One of the main advantages of modern
technology
Use synonyms
 is that
people
Use synonyms
 can do easily and comfortably their house chores with
equipmentsuch
Correct your spelling
equipment such
 as
washing
Correct article usage
a washing
show examples
 machine, rice cooker and vacuum.
Therefore
Linking Words
 using the equipment can not only reduce the amount of domestic
work
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 concentrate on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
office
work
Use synonyms
 and leisure.
For instance
Linking Words
, in old times, when most
house wives
Correct your spelling
housewives
show examples
 began to wash the clothes of their family, it took
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
 time to beat and squeeze their clothes.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, modern
people
Use synonyms
 can wash swiftly their clothes and enjoy the extra time
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 pressing the button of
washing
Add an article
the washing
a washing
show examples
 machine. There is another benefit in
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
. Ages ago,
people
Use synonyms
 wrote the paper by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hand in the office, which requires a lot of time to make and revise the paper. Meanwhile, nowadays, with electronic devices like
laptop
Fix the agreement mistake
laptops
show examples
 and
tablet
Fix the agreement mistake
tablets
show examples
,
people
Use synonyms
 can make a deal of paperwork easily and efficiently. Especially, in
factory
Fix the agreement mistake
factories
show examples
as well as
Linking Words
 in
warehouse
Fix the agreement mistake
warehouses
show examples
, many machines like
robot
Fix the agreement mistake
robots
show examples
 can set
people
Use synonyms
 free from dangerous
work
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, it is apparent that there are some disadvantages
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 modern
technology
Use synonyms
. The rapid development of
technology
Use synonyms
 deepens the individualism, which
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 feel lonely.
For example
Linking Words
, ages ago, most
poople
Correct your spelling
people
 met physically and built a friendship easily. These days,
people
Use synonyms
 can talk through social networks and be accustomed to
be
Change the verb form
being
show examples
 alone, which can throw away traditional values like fellowship from
people
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 issue is smaller than the positive aspect of modern
technology
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
,Furthermore
show examples
 modern
technology
Use synonyms
 can overcome its side effects by technological advancements. In conclusion, modern
technology
Use synonyms
 may have a crucial impact on
people
Use synonyms
's
life
Replace the word
lives
show examples
, which can upgrade the quality of life.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: