IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

rease number of people are choosing to change careers during their working lives and some even do so more than once. what reason might people have to change careers ? do you think this a positive or negative development for society

rease number of people are choosing to change careers during their working lives and some even do so more than once. what reason might people have to change careers ? do you think this a positive or negative development for society
Many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that to overcome their daily
needs
Punctuation problem
needs,
show examples
 some of them choose to change their
job
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 and do many
tasks
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than
Rephrase
rather than
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focus
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 on
one
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 career. I believe that to more
Use synonyms
focus
Check wording
apply
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on
one
Use synonyms
 occupation is better than doing many
tasks
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 to overcome their needs because
this
Linking Words
 will lead to some negative
impact
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 on their lives.
This
Linking Words
 writing will explain why
people
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 should
focus
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 just on
one
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job
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 to fulfil
theirs’s
Check wording
theirs
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 needs. The main disadvantage
Check wording
apply
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impact
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 is
decreasing
Wrong verb form
a decrease
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 in
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
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 of
work
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. The quality of
work
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,
job
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 performance that
people
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 do in the workplace
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as discipline , ability in finishing the
tasks
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 given and teamwork, is
the
Correct article usage
an
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 essential aspect needed by a firm. A person who has two jobs or more in their life will decrease the
focus
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 on
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tasks
Correct article usage
the tasks
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that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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they do.
As a result
Linking Words
, they will postpone many
tasks
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 given.
For example
Linking Words
, a teacher
Linking Words
due
Punctuation problem
, due
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 to having less
income
Punctuation problem
income,
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 takes extra time after school to do another
job
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Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as a driver. It will
impact
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 his
bad
Correct word choice
poor
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 performance and less discipline in offering students in the school. Another drawback of having more than
one
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job
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 is a Decrease in physical and mental health. The energy that they need will decrease
due to
Linking Words
 performing more than
one
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 task, and some physical diseases can occur
during
Change preposition
while
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 working on those
tasks
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.
For example
Linking Words
, a nurse who is doing extra time after
work
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 in the hospital reported
undergoing
Verb problem
experiencing
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exhaustion and diarrhoea.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, they experience anxiety and stress during
work
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. In conclusion, more
focus
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 on
one
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 occupation is a paramount aspect in
people
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's
live
Replace the word
lives
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Punctuation problem
, beside
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beside
Change preposition
as
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 lead
a
Change preposition
to a
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negative physical
impact
Use synonyms
 it
also
Linking Words
increases
Correct subject-verb agreement
increase
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 mental health drawbacks in fulfilling their needs.

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Structure
Add a plan in the intro to show what you will discuss.
Content
Give clear reasons why people change jobs and what that means for life.
Content
Show how changing jobs can affect society, not just the person.
Coherence
Use linking words to join ideas and make flow smooth.
Language
Check small grammar and word form to be clear.
Strength
The writer states a clear view.
Evidence
Some real life examples are used.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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