IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

People live longer today and so people should stay in the workforce longer. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #workforce
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Not only most
people
Use synonyms
 are living longer these days but
also
Linking Words
 they have to
work
Use synonyms
 longer at
company
Add an article
the company
a company
show examples
. I personally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 topic. In the following essay, I will discuss the reason why I disagree with the given statement with examples. First of all,
people
Use synonyms
 who live longer deprive
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
generation
Use synonyms
’s
work
Use synonyms
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
. Modern
people
Use synonyms
 tend to live longer because medical technology has been developing.
This
Linking Words
 mean
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
that older
people
Use synonyms
 can
work
Use synonyms
 for a long time.
However
Linking Words
, it is not good
at
Change preposition
for
show examples
younger
Add an article
the younger
a younger
show examples
generation
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, my friend wanted to
work
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 so he
apply
Change the verb form
applies
show examples
 a certain company but he failed.
This
Linking Words
 is because a certain company
which
Change preposition
to which
show examples
 he applied
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 many workers
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
older
people
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, he was so depression and unhappy in
this
Linking Words
 situation.
Secondly
Linking Words
, A country’s economy
result
Change the verb form
results
show examples
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 stopping actively. If a
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
 move actively, it would need to have many younger
generation
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
, if a country
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 many older
people
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, it would spend a
lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
lot
show examples
 of money
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 health care.
In addition
Linking Words
, a
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 is not helpful for
older
Correct article usage
the older
show examples
generation
Use synonyms
working
Change the verb form
to work
show examples
 longer.
This
Linking Words
 result can lead to
get
Change the verb form
getting
show examples
a country’s doubt.
For example
Linking Words
, my parents are working now as they pay
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 health problems.
Although
Linking Words
 parents
work
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 harder, they are too bad
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
 physical body. Through
this
Linking Words
, it does not mean to
work
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I demerit
this
Linking Words
 statement is that older
people
Use synonyms
 should not remain in the workplace longer because
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
generation
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 no chance to get a job and deter a country’s government growth.
Submitted by yup on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • life expectancy
  • financial resources
  • retirement fund
  • cognitive functions
  • social interaction
  • wealth of experience
  • expertise
  • social security systems
  • dependency ratio
  • employers
  • adapt workplaces
  • job retraining
  • flexible working hours
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