People live longer today and so people should stay in the workforce longer. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Not only most
people
are living longer these days but
also
they have to
work
longer at
company
Add an article
the company
a company
show examples
. I personally disagree with
this
topic. In the following essay, I will discuss the reason why I disagree with the given statement with examples. First of all,
people
who live longer deprive
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
generation
’s
work
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
. Modern
people
tend to live longer because medical technology has been developing.
This
mean
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
that older
people
can
work
for a long time.
However
, it is not good
at
Change preposition
for
show examples
younger
Add an article
the younger
a younger
show examples
generation
.
For example
, my friend wanted to
work
so he
apply
Change the verb form
applies
show examples
a certain company but he failed.
This
is because a certain company
which
Change preposition
to which
show examples
he applied
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
many workers
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
older
people
.
As a result
, he was so depression and unhappy in
this
situation.
Secondly
, A country’s economy
result
Change the verb form
results
show examples
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
stopping actively. If a
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
move actively, it would need to have many younger
generation
.
Whereas
, if a country
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
many older
people
, it would spend a
lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
lot
show examples
of money
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
health care.
In addition
, a
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
is not helpful for
older
Correct article usage
the older
show examples
generation
working
Change the verb form
to work
show examples
longer.
This
result can lead to
get
Change the verb form
getting
show examples
a country’s doubt.
For example
, my parents are working now as they pay
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
health problems.
Although
parents
work
harder, they are too bad
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
physical body. Through
this
, it does not mean to
work
. In conclusion, I demerit
this
statement is that older
people
should not remain in the workplace longer because
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
generation
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
no chance to get a job and deter a country’s government growth.
Submitted by yup on

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • life expectancy
  • financial resources
  • retirement fund
  • cognitive functions
  • social interaction
  • wealth of experience
  • expertise
  • social security systems
  • dependency ratio
  • employers
  • adapt workplaces
  • job retraining
  • flexible working hours
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