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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Essay topics: Around the world, people are now living longer than ever before in the past. Some say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Others believe there are benefits to society having more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of possessing an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

#topics #world #people #say #population #governments #society
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With
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology and medical improvements,
the
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apply
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life
Use synonyms
 expectancy is increasing and
worldwide
Correct article usage
the worldwide
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population
Use synonyms
 is living longer than ever.
While
Linking Words
 there are some concerns with an older
population
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as the strain
in
Change preposition
on
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 the
health
Use synonyms
 and pension system, the advantages of
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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more mature individuals are
also
Linking Words
 appealing.
This
Linking Words
 essay will present the reasons why having an ageing
population
Use synonyms
 is actually a possible good deal.
For
Change preposition
From
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the
Correct article usage
an
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 economic perspective, ageing brings some concerns as the increase
of
Change preposition
in
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 medical expenditure and the need
of
Change preposition
to
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 keep
people
Use synonyms
 working until later in
life
Use synonyms
 so the pension system works properly.
However
Linking Words
, the medical improvements experienced nowadays
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 likely to keep
people
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
health
Replace the word
healthy
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 for longer, meaning that it will be physically possible for
people
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 over 60
share
Fix the infinitive
to share
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 the workforce with
youngest
Correct article usage
the youngest
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 individuals. At the same
time
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, if the government and companies invest in education about healthy eating and lifestyle, it is more likely that older
people
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 would keep their
health
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 in
a
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apply
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good condition
therefore
Linking Words
 reducing the necessity of hospitalisation. The advantages of having an ageing
population
Use synonyms
 are related to the experience gained by those individuals during their
Use synonyms
life
Correct your spelling
lifetime
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time
Use synonyms
 and the continuous contribution in the workforce or in the community they can provide. There are some companies that prefer to hire older
people
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due to
Linking Words
 the knowledge and experience they possess,
because
Correct word choice
and because
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 of that organisations are saving money and
time
Use synonyms
 before
dedicated
Add a missing verb
being dedicated
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 to training new staff. Another amazing contribution of
elderly
Add an article
the elderly
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population
Use synonyms
 is their wiliness
in
Change preposition
to
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 expend
time
Use synonyms
 contributing to the community by volunteering or even working for organisations that provide community service support.
To conclude
Linking Words
, ageing is an ongoing process experienced all around the world
due to
Linking Words
 medical evolution. Despite the problems that ageing can cause in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society, the expertise and
life
Use synonyms
 experience allied with improvements in the
health
Use synonyms
 system allow our elders to positively contribute to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Submitted by anacarolduque on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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