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Band 4

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risks #lives
It is thought that if
inviduals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 are studying in their own
country
, they should be obligated to
work
 in their
country
. From my standpoint, it is correct because their
country
 spent
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
money or time to improve their
citisent
Correct your spelling
citizens
citizen
. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand,
people
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
indipendet
Correct your spelling
independent
 that’s why they will go anywhere where they want,
in addition
,
humans
Change the noun form
human
show examples
 rights defend
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 view. Because the person does not choose to live
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
there, he may prefer to move somewhere.
Furthermore
,
people
 studying is not
governments
Fix the agreement mistake
government
show examples
 good,
although
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 has to provide them
suitable
Add an article
a suitable
the suitable
show examples
 environment to
work
 and live
.
Change preposition
in.
show examples
Therefore
, it can be clearly said that it is not versus links in connecting between
government
 and
citizent
Correct your spelling
citizens
citizen
.
On the other hand
, the person gaining
profession
Replace the word
professional
show examples
 dept to own
country
 because his society
pay
Change the verb form
pays
show examples
taxe
Correct your spelling
taxes
tax
 to
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 for improving him. As the
people
 educated emigrate to other
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
,
countries
Change noun form
countries'
country's
show examples
 sources are
wasting
Wrong verb form
wasted
show examples
.
Therefore
, they have to live in
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
country
,
espcially
Correct your spelling
especially
,
such
Change preposition
on such
show examples
 crucial
occopitions
Correct your spelling
occupations
occupation
 as
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
,
doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
show examples
 and
engeenir
Correct your spelling
engineer
. The reasons why these
jops
Correct your spelling
jobs
 need to be spent more
expenduture
Correct your spelling
expenditure
expenditures
 or time.
However
, sometimes
people
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 to
requier
Correct your spelling
require
 going to abroad because
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
country
 is not suitable to
work
 in their
proffision
Correct your spelling
profession
. We think that unless
government
 ensure
suitable
Correct article usage
a suitable
show examples
envoriment
Correct your spelling
environment
them
Change preposition
for them
show examples
 to
work
, they
Change preposition
in, they
show examples
 will desire to go
other
Change preposition
to other
show examples
 countries, but it is not true because they still dept to
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 own
country
. To
counclude
Correct your spelling
conclude
, the
people
 have to stay in
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
country
otherwise
 their
country
 lose many money and time. As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result of
this
, the
country
 never develops.
Submitted by eerkare on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
What to do next:
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