Some believe that the Olympic games help bring people from different nations together, while others claim that holding the Olympics wastes money which could be used for important issues. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion

#believe #olympic #games #people #nations #olympics #wastes #money

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Many today have made a controversial debate that the

Olympics

competition gives a chance for citizens around the world to come closer,

while

some think that it is a waste of budget on other significant spending.

Although

holding the

Olympics

might ask for more

money

than others, I believe that it benefits the connection between

countries

. Some argue that the

Olympics

activity is a means of

wasteful

Correct your spelling

wasting

show examples

money

instead

of other essential things because it requires more

money

than others.

This

means that organizing the game has always asked for various types of

money

from

superior

Correct article usage

a superior

show examples

stadium to a large number of

staffs

Fix the agreement mistake

staff

show examples

to meet the needs of massive audiences,

while

other important issues might need less amount of

money

such

as health services for residents in their own

countries

For instance

, it is reported that not every nation can afford the huge budget

Change preposition

for

show examples

taking

responsibilities

Fix the agreement mistake

responsibility

show examples

for the

Olympics

even though they are desiring to do so.

Instead

just

Rephrase

only

show examples

some certain developed nations

are having

Wrong verb form

have

show examples

sufficient

money

Change preposition

for

show examples

it. Despite

this

, I would argue that holding the Olympic activities brings people

come

Verb problem

apply

show examples

closer.

It is clear that

organizing the

Olympics

is one of the most effective ways to connect

countries

over

Rephrase

all over

show examples

the world.

This

is because the activity is an influential event with a well-known reputation, which so many

countries

would love to participate in.

As a result

this

is a precious opportunity to explore the world because everyone converges in a particular host nation. As

such

, the

Olympics

can be a bridge between nations to enter into economic

negotiation

Fix the agreement mistake

negotiations

show examples

or even political issues. Taking everything into consideration, though being in charge of holding the

Olympics

might be wasteful when it comes to

money

, I believe that it is a great chance to meet people from many nations.

Submitted by anhnhi.bell on Tue Jul 11 2023

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task response

The essay addresses both sides of the argument effectively. However, the balance between the two viewpoints could be improved by providing more depth to the argument against holding the Olympics.

coherence and cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame the discussion. The essay transitions smoothly between paragraphs, enhancing the overall coherence.

task response

Clear presentation of the arguments for and against holding the Olympics

coherence and cohesion

Effective use of transition words to connect ideas and paragraphs

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

299 words

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Some believe that the Olympic games help bring people from different nations together, while others claim that holding the Olympics wastes money which could be used for important issues. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

It is a natural process for animals species to become extinct.

Some people think that men and women have different qualities. Therefore, some certain jobs are suitable for men and some jobs are suitable for women. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

Some schools have restricted the use of mobile phones. Is this a positive development or a negative one? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples fromyour own knowledge or experience.