IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The two pie charts illustrate percantage of some employment patterns by sex and occupation in Great Britain in 1992.

The two pie charts illustrate percantage of some employment patterns by sex and occupation in Great Britain in 1992.
#two #percantage #employment #patterns #sex #occupation #britain
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The two pie charts illustrate
Correct article usage
the percantage
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percantage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of some employment patterns by sex and occupation in Great Britain in 1992.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that more
males
Use synonyms
 worked
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
manual
jobs
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
, non-manual
jobs
Use synonyms
 appealed
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 females. In regard to manual
jobs
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, more
males
Use synonyms
 than females
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
worked 52 per
cent
Use synonyms
 and 31 per
cent
Use synonyms
 respectively.
According to
Linking Words
 other manual
jobs
Use synonyms
, the indicator between
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 can
seen
Change the verb form
be seen
show examples
 to be equal,
aro9und
Correct your spelling
around
 27 per
cent
Use synonyms
 to 26 per
cent
Use synonyms
. In any case, the demand for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
general labourers is low, than
other
Change preposition
for other
show examples
works
Replace the word
workers
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
non manual
Add a hyphen
non-manual
show examples
 occupations were more popular among women at 69 per
cent
Use synonyms
in contrast
Linking Words
 to 48 per
cent
Use synonyms
 among
males
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, more
males
Use synonyms
 were positioned managerial and professional
works
Replace the word
workers
show examples
 than women, 36 per
cent
Use synonyms
 and 29 per
cent
Use synonyms
 respectively. The proportion of females in clerical or related works exceeded that of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
, at 31 per
cent
Use synonyms
 and 6
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words males, jobs, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrate" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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