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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below gives information on the gender, marital status and age of employees working in retail and manufacturing industries of a country. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below gives information on the gender, marital status and age of employees working in retail and manufacturing industries of a country. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #gender #status #age #employees #industries #country #features #comparisons
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The table depicts that employees in the retail and manufacturing
industry
Use synonyms
 are divided by gender, marital status and
age
Use synonyms
. It can be seen that
overall
Linking Words
, in the manufacturing
Use synonyms
industry
Add a comma
,industry
show examples
 the percentage of males 65% is the highest.
Whereas
Linking Words
 the highest percentage of 53% is female in retail.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, marital status in the manufacturing
industry
Use synonyms
 of married people gradually increased to 69% and retail
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 61%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, talk about single status employees were 31% and 39% respectively in both industries.
In addition
Linking Words
, the average
age
Use synonyms
 of 44 in the manufacturing
industry
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
 40 average
age
Use synonyms
 in the retail
industry
Use synonyms
 .
Furthermore
Linking Words
 the
age
Use synonyms
 bracket of 62+ in retail 4+ but it was doubled in the manufacturing
industry
Use synonyms
 with 8%.
Eventually
Add a comma
,Eventually
show examples
 the
age
Use synonyms
 bracket of 28-39
age
Use synonyms
 employees fell to 32% and raisin to 36% in the retail
industry
Use synonyms
 at the same time 40-24
age
Use synonyms
 people
also
Linking Words
 combined.
Submitted by ksr.sandya on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words industry, age with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographics
  • predominant
  • average age range
  • noticeable trends
  • gender distribution
  • marital status
  • striking features
  • defies common stereotypes
  • patterns
  • notably younger or older
  • workforce
  • implications
  • hiring practices
  • work culture
  • marketing strategies
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