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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Topic 10. In some countries older people are being encouraged to work longer and not to retire. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of working beyond retirement age.

#topic #countries #people #work #retirement #age
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As
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 old
people
Use synonyms
 will
work
Use synonyms
 at the age of retirement it has both sides good
as well as
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 bad.
Firstly
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, If older
people
Use synonyms
 will
work
Use synonyms
then
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 it is good for their family.
Secondly
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, as old
people
Use synonyms
 will
work
Use synonyms
then
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 it will create unemployment for young
people
Use synonyms
.
However
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, as a person will
work
Use synonyms
then
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 it is good for the body. As a young person will get less operation for the job is
disadvantage
Add an article
a disadvantage
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 for a nation. If an old human will
work
Use synonyms
that is
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 good for a friend and family.
This
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 will be advantageous for the old but on another side
while
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this
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 has disadvantages.
Although
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, it has some benefits
country
Use synonyms
 should support
this
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 type of thing.
Finally
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, it has two sides. ,
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Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
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 it
create
Change the verb form
creates
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 less operation for humans. Due
Change preposition
to
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thisto
Correct your spelling
this
,unemployment
Use synonyms
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
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 should set
limitation
Fix the agreement mistake
limitations
show examples
 on it.
For example
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, a highly knowledge lady will do a job
then
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 it will be helpful to a nation. It has advantages
as well as
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 disadvantages. In a
country
Use synonyms
 like
China
Add a comma
,China
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 it should not be supported and in a
Use synonyms
country
Add a comma
,country
show examples
 the population is less than it should be supported.
People
Use synonyms
 should co-operate with the nation. as states will be helpful which will help in the growth of the town sides.
Hence
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, it should be supported by the government.
For example
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, if men at the age of 100 years will do the job
then
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 one young human will not get
work
Use synonyms
. There should be a law that highly educated
people
Use synonyms
 have to do only jobs. As more and more
people
Use synonyms
 will
work
Use synonyms
 that will
Add a missing verb
be
show examples
better for states.
Submitted by purvametaliya99  on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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