IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

A growing number of people feel that animal should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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It is a held view that using animality to satisfy people’s needs is inevitable,
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however
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however,
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 others suppose that
animals
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 should be treated in the same way humans are and have similar rights. Personally, I advocate the former view.
This
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 essay will examine both mentioned sides and choose an appropriate option. With regard to protecting
animals
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’ rights, people assume it is essential to prevent their explosion for several reasons. First and foremost, excessive use of animal goods leads to their extinction, which causes a lack of ecosystems. If
animals
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 disappear from the Earth, vegetation would die out and the climate would
also
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 be extremely altered, since flora and fauna clean the oxygen.
For instance
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,
due to
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 animal,experimentation 100-150 million vertebrates annually die in the
last
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 couple of decades.
Consequently
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, if mankind continues to ignore the threat, a vast part of
animals
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could
Verb problem
will
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 not survive and in the near ,future the planet
would
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will
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 remain lifeless.
On the contrary
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, society believes that it is acceptable to use
animals
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 for people’s targets at the expense of human well-being. Scientists have not developed any alternatives for animal testing , and
such
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 types of investigations are carried out of desperation. As an example related to laboratory research, it gives information to producers of medicine about product toxicity. Without holding examinations, some products can harm people’s health, which can be a reason for insoluble consequences. If
this
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 means experimenting on creatures so that we can fight and find cures for diseases,
then
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this
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 takes priority over animal suffering.
To sum up
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,
although
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 some people argue killing
animals
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 for research and food is unavoidable, I would argue there is sufficient evidence to demonstrate that
this
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 is not the case, and,
therefore
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, steps must be taken to improve the rights of
animals
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.

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task response
The essay only partially addresses the task. It provides a one-sided argument without fully discussing both views. Ensure that both views are presented and evaluated in a balanced manner.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is somewhat clear, but the main points lack development and coherence. Try to organize the body paragraphs more effectively and provide stronger connections between ideas.
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